


Back to the Start.

by TimeWoundsAllTheHeals



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/F, Self-Harm, Suicide, pricefield
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-01-07 05:44:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12226935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeWoundsAllTheHeals/pseuds/TimeWoundsAllTheHeals
Summary: Chloe gave herself for Arcadia Bay. A now powerless Max is spiraling ever deeper into depression. But then she discovers a last usable trait of her power. Can she use it to make a difference?





	1. Prologue: Last days in Blackhell.

 

 

Life went on. Blackwell went on. Arcadia Bay went on. That was how she wanted it. Arcadia Bay  did  what every small community did when something terrible happens. Declared it terrible. Asked how could this happen? Took the easy answers, swallowed them down like the nicest sweetest candy, and went back to how it was before.  Rich boy gone wrong, perverted by a controlling, manipulative predator. 

Everybody Max spoke to was so understanding.

How could they possibly understand?

To everyone else, Chloe and Max had drifted, and it was a total coincidence that Max happened  to be present in that bathroom. But Max had had a week with Chloe, and the absence had made there feelings so much stronger.

_That kiss._

Obviously she could never tell anyone, anything. That was eating Max alive. She tried to handle it, to cope. She took some solace from the blue butterfly at the funeral. It could only be Chloe. Like the doe had to be Rachel.

Max didn’t know if she'd had any sleep. The weed Justin got for her helped take the edge of the pain of it all, but Chloe was all she thought off. She  swung her legs out her bed, and thought of waking up with Chloe, in her bed. Which never happened.

_Stop it Max._

She grabbed her shower bag and towel, slipped her feet into her flip flops, and opened the door of her room. Blackwell noises assaulted her. She could hear Victoria, Taylor and Courtney laughing. They stopped when they noticed her door open.

Victoria stood with her hand on her hip, staring at Max, as normal. Taylor and Dana had her back, as normal.

“Are you going to go to any classes today Maxine,” she scoffed, “Or stay in your filthy pit, smoking weed, stinking the place out, and getting away with it all because of your grief?”

“That punk bitch friend of yours got one of best friends locked up, you know he's saying he was defending himself don’t you, Maxine? Still not speaking Maxine?”

_That grin, I should wipe it off her face._

“Well he is. And I believe him! Everyone knows what  Chloe Price was, she was a...” Max dropped all her stuff on the floor, turned on her heels, and went back in her room. “What a fuckin’ weirdo!” Victoria cried out to her posse, looking down at Max’s things.

_What would Chloe do?_

Max paced around her room, getting angrier and angrier. Eventually she was so incensed with the laughing outside that se ran int the corridor, and went for Victoria, slapping and scratching, trying to pull her too short hair. Taylor and Courtney got in between them, and just the like all the wind was gone from her sails. It was all she could do to stay on her feet.

“Don’t say her name,”

* * *

 

 

Max sat in Principle Wells’ office. She listened, she understood. She definitely shouldn’t hit people. She was expelled. She didn’t care. Her parents were driving down from Seattle to get her.

Max knew she had hours to wait yet. Hours listening to Wells bang on and on.

She tuned him out by thinking of the week that she knew happened.

We were here, me and Chloe. We stole your invalid fund, Wells. I blew your crummy office door nearly off it’s hinges. Then rewound and opened it.

 

_Heaven smiled upon me._

_We found everything you were trying to hide. We used it. We uncovered everything._

_We won._

_Then I let her go._

_never_

 

It was all for Chloe, everything. Walking down the railway lines, each holding the other so they didn't fall, holding each other as if their lives depended on it. Chloe looked so good with blue hair. She replayed the memory over and over in her mind.  
Eventually, even with Wells’ constant verbal tirade, one minute understanding, the next appalled by her behaviour, she fell asleep.

* * *

 

 

  
Ryan drove, and felt more guilt for moving than at any other time. It was he who got the job in Seattle that forced them to move. He himself was good friends with William before the crash. Vanessa and Joyce were always on the phone to each other, and most Sundays they would watch sports at each other houses. Max and Chloe playing around the adults happily.

He remembered getting roped into making a pirate ship in the backyard. He and William were the East India Company, Chloe’s suggestion, of course, out to get Captain Maximus and her first mate ‘Hookhanded’ Price. In a series of chases and adventures that spanned the seven seas.

He tried to force the idea from his head that if Max had been in Chloe’s life for the last 5 years, that she could have helped her from becoming the girl he had been told about. All her troubles were now firmly in the public eye. Newspapers up and down the Pacific Northwest were featuring the story prominently. It was, rightly, big news.

He was beside himself when the news broke. Reading news on his cell was like his thing. He had at least a dozen sites favorited. From CNN and BBC to smaller outlets, in places he had lived or worked. It was, to be honest, a bit of an addiction. It was on “The ARC” that he saw it first. “The ARC” was maybe 3 or 4 people, with maybe the same number of students, who covered all the student-y type goings on in Arcadia Bay. He would check it daily, to see if Max ever plucked up the courage to submit a photo. He would love to see that. But also he could keep up to speed with the kind of stuff Max was living in.

It was like a kick to his stomach.

 

**FATAL SHOOTING IN ART SCHOOL**

The ARC has just received news that a fatal shooting has taken place in Blackwell.

Our sources indicate that 2 students, one girl, one boy, and a local girl,

who does not attend Blackwell, were in the girls bathroom at the time.

The police have not made a statement yet, but other students have confirmed 3 names to The ARC.

 

We will not be making these public out of respect to the families involved.

 

More to follow.

 

Then as he was reading the article for a second time, his cell rang.

He collected Max and brought her home. She said it was Chloe who died. She said she wanted to be with her so much. She said a lot of things.

“I love her so much Dad,”.

“I know sweetheart,” he said, “You two were so close growing up, we never should have le...,” he trailed off. He couldn’t say it.

“It was more than childhood friends Dad, it was so much more.....” Max broke down again, he looked over at her as she repeated the last 3 words, over and over, until sleep took her.

“So much more, so much, more. So. Much. More...”

The press had been to his house in Seattle. Somebody somewhere knew about the Price Caulfield family friendships from years back. They told someone, and soon enough the wolves were at the door. He had opened the door to them once, and answered one question.

“Yes, we knew the Prices. We look back at that time with great happiness. Thank you,”. Then he walked back through the front door, through the house to the garage, and turned on the lawn sprinklers. The sight of Vanessa with a curl at the edge of her lips, looking at the assembled mass dispersing under the deluge cheered him briefly.

Now he had had a second phone call from Wells.

The drive down was at a high speed in his truck. He shaved an hour off the satnav eta. Vanessa didn’t complain either, and after William, Vanessa was pro-safety in and around the car. He knew Max wasn’t ready to go back to school. She was broken when he dropped her off 3 weeks ago, but she wouldn’t admit it.

“I’ll be fine Dad,” and she sounded like she genuinely would be, “I can’t... well... I, uh, I need to, uh, do something. And this is a pretty good something to do, Dad,”

Ryan looked at his daughter, and saw all her pain. His eyes filled and he said, “Your a liar Max,” gentle, soft, “And I know it, but you can do whatever you want. You call me, night, day, even if the footballs on,” a little laugh through the tears, “And I’m coming for you,”.

That was the last her heard from her, apart from texts.

As they pulled up at Blackwell, he told Vanessa to stay put, he’d sort it inside. She tried to argue, but Ryan knew her, “Vanessa, I... we, are for Max, not against her. I’ve been on the end of your famous temper a few times, and this...,”  
What the hell was it that Max had done really? Assault? Fuck, he can't use that word, uh, “this... outburst is an admission of defeat as much as anything,”.

As he walked across the parking lot, he could smell chlorine from a swimming pool, sure enough the building he was now skirting round has this big high windows like a pool has. He got out his phone and read the last few messages from Max.

 

 

**[Max love. Answer please.]**

**19:30**

**[Yes]**

**19:37**

**[Yes what? I haven't asked you anything yet]**

**[gah]**

**[How are you?]**

**19:39**

**[The same as the last time you asked. I’ve got so much work to do Dad]**

**19:48**

**[okay, love you]**

**19:48**

 

 

Yesterday.

_Fuck_

As he strode over the grass of the school frontage towards the main doors, he recognised the principle stepping out to greet him. 

“Mr Caulfield, I’m so sorry to be seeing you at this hour, under these challenging circumstances,”.

Ryan crinkled his forehead, squinted his eyes, and looked straight at him.

“Well, it’s true that my daughter hit one of your, upper-tier, students. Yes, that is a ‘challenging circumstance’ for you to deal with. However what I find way more of a challenging-fucking-circumstance, Mr Wells...is how you haven't requested to see me, despite my daughters long-lost childhood-fucking-friend being shot in fucking front of her, by another of your upper-fucking-tier students, in your lofty fucking school,”.

“Sure you rang me after the shooting. ‘You need to come and get Maxine, she has witnessed a terrible event’, that was your words, Wells...” said with a sneer now, “...but when I arrived, I found Max with her friends, not you or a taff member in sight, no one even asked me where Max was for two days, Wells, after I took her home, so forgive me not giving a fuck about your current circumstance,”.

Chill now

Wells had stopped short of fully lifting his hand to shake Ryan's. He stood there, almost frozen, like a broken animatronic at a cheesy fair. Ryan looked at his hand, then his face.

“Where is my daughter,”.

* * *

 

 

“Max,” Ryan crouched in front of her to level their eyes. Hers were still closed. 

“Max love,” a touch louder this time.

 

_Never_

_I don’t want to wake up_

_Chloe_

_I don’t want to wake up_

_Never_

 

She opened her eyes slowly, banishing the only dream she’d had for the last month. Was she going to have the same dream every night? Max didn’t think she could deal with choosing the town, every night, for ever. No one can ever know what Chloe did, that she gave herself for the town. People she had no time for in her angst, in that moment she saved them all. Not all. 

One was destined to suffer, forever probably.

_I can never tell anyone_

Her eyes started to well up, and she looked up from her lap, at her Dad, his eyes mirroring hers, full of tears. Ryan’s fury had quickly melted away on seeing her like this. She said nothing. She had only one thing worth speaking of. He brushed her hair off her face.

“Let's get out of here sweetheart,”. He reached out his hand and Max took hold, and allowed herself to be pulled out of the chair. This would be the last time she ever walked these corridors, she knew it. 

“Your mothers in the car Max,” Max eyed him, “Oh yes,” he nodded, “ she's furious. But she gets it. Just like I do,” He squeezed her shoulders, “Let's get the fu..,” he caught himself, and shook his head, “Let's get the FUCK out of here,”.

Dad only swears when he’s angry

Max knew that her Dad’s judgement of Wells was not high after... yeah, after.

Dad’s told Wells what he thinks.

The halls were pretty much empty, no one she recognised any way. Apart from Wells, who stood over by the vending machines. It was late? She looked at the hall clock, it’s sweeping hands showed just before 6. Not so late. Warren was so worried about her, kept texting and calling. But she never answered. She looked across the hall and saw the door to the girls bathroom. She heard it.

“Get that thing away from me you psycho,”.

It wasn’t a bang. The acoustics in the bathroom, the stalls, turned it into a long, drawn out, almost thunderous roar. Deafening. Invading. Unforgettable.

From nowhere she burst out of her Dads arms, and ran across the hall, ramming the door open. The graffiti hadn’t been covered. It had been reopened to pupil use. But it was exactly the same. Same paint on the walls...

 

Blood

...same mirrors over the sinks, the same hard wearing linoleum floor...

Blood

 

She lent against the sink that Nathan FUCKING Prescott lent on, and screamed. She wanted to fucking kill him. Loud and long, she screamed, and when her lungs were empty, when her scream had turned into little more than a croak, she breathed in deeply, and screamed again, her eyes wide open, looking at herself in the mirror.

I should have chosen her

She was suddenly on the floor, head in hands, tears streaming down her face. Just like the first time, like every time. 

Ryan, who had opened the door in time for the second scream, scooped her into his arms, turned and carried her out of the bathroom. As they passed Wells, Ryan looked at him again, Max was crying, sobbing, bawling her eyes out in his arms.

“You, are getting off easy,”.

Wells held the door, and Ryan walked out down the steps. Some kids had gathered Ryan noted.

They looked like decent kids, and a small group approached.

“Hey Mr Caulfield, I’m Warren, and before... all this... I was quite close to Max. I don't think she’ll answer me, but I wanted her to hear me say that I... ur...,”.

“She hears ya Warren,” Ryan put him out of his misery. “Do you have our Seattle address?” Warren nodded, “Write,” Ryan said with a nod aimed at him and walked towards the waiting car.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to anyone who may have read this. It's a long time since I've done any creative writing. And it shows! This is my first Fan Fiction, and I already have a 3 book story idea laid out. Please leave a review so I know if this is to anybody's liking.
> 
> Thanks.


	2. Wounded

Max had been home for 2 weeks. She was for all intents, and purposes, a zombie. She didn’t ever really go to sleep. But she was never really awake either. She had obviously tried to use her power, almost constantly for the whole first week after Chloe died. She stared at photos for hours. But her attempts were slowing now, as her hope faded. Yet being home, surrounded by her childhood things, and some keepsakes from when she and Chloe would play together, made her try again.

It naturally followed that as she had no power with photos any more, that she hadn’t even thought of taking any new ones. Even if she’d wanted to though, she couldn’t. All her stuff was due back from Blackwell.

SHe hadn't been out of the house since coming back to Seattle. She'd barely left her room at that. Her mum or dad would bring up food and drinks, but most were just picked at, and left to go cold. She listened to a lot of music. Her taste for acoustic indie music was being supplemented with a heavier, darker tone. Songs about lost loves and pain had lyrics that she could understand so easily, she felt them. The Queens of the Stone Age had released an album that summer, and two of the tracks on it had instantly leapt out.

Her parents had left her bedroom exactly as she had, and one of the first things she did upon getting home was to tear down most of her posters and get rid of most of her stuffed toys. She needed her bedroom to feel right, so unicorns and other fantastic things had to go. She left all the old, cast out things in refuse sacks on the upstairs hall, and they were taken away.

Her parents tried to connect with her, she loved her mum and dad so much, and she felt so bad for not being able to respond to them. They were only really background noise when she did see them though.

Warren wrote her a letter. She hadn't opened it, but she hadn't binned it either. It was in the top drawer of her desk, along with letters from Kate Marsh, Joyce and Blackhell.

The only thing that kept her goin through the days was her journal. She wrote in at almost constantly. All the thing's she wanted to say to Chloe, how she felt, her thoughts on her parents, even her thoughts on herself were religiously written down. She read something she wrote yesterday.

 

_Was it better for me to have lived that week, to have had that time with Chloe? I miss her so much because of it that I find myself wishing that it hadn't happened at all. How can I even think that? What the FUCK am I suppose to do..._

 

She definitely wasn't sleeping properly, her sleep pattern was totally disjointed from the day/night cycle that her parents and Seattle followed. At least she could move around the house without bumping into her parents because her active hours were whilst they slept. She tried to watch TV or a movie, but after so long of it her mind would wander off to that week. She had had a moment the other day when she became terrified about Mark Jefferson. She knew that he was locked up, along with Nathan.

Days and nights all blended into one long dreary hell. The November weather in Seattle was typical. She found herself drawing. She didn’t remember starting too. Or even where the nice paper and expensive pencils had come from. But they were there. She defaulted to drawing her little cartoons. A pirate looking through a telescope. A lone pirate sat on a tiny desert island. She drifted off. She could see Chloe so clearly, everything about the tall, bouncy, mouthy punk was hyper focussed. The colours of her tattoo popped.

The snake was twisted, like an extended coil wrapped round an invisible tree branch. It was a deep emerald green colour. Almost black. Mouth open, fangs showing. It's tongue wasn’t forward, the classic hiss posture, but down, held clear of its own impending attack.

_Not right_

The vine was the same shape, but thick and bumpy. It was the same green colour. It had evil looking thorns growing from it. On the ends of some of the thorns, speared by them, were butterflies. The butterflies were an incredibly dark blue. From anything over 2 feet away, they looked black and almost flat. On close inspection though tiny detail could be seen, bringing the butterflies to life almost, in there moment of death. The end of the vine was pulled back, as if it were the devils tail, a massive thorn on its end. It held the same implication as the smokes tongue. I’m going to attack. Finally a jaw droppingly beautiful blue butterfly was caught in flight, floating within range of the vine.

The glowing red alarm clock next to her bed told her it was half four, the darkness outside that is was most definitely AM. She knew her parents were asleep, so got up to go downstairs. She couldn’t remember the last time she was hungry, she felt so empty inside. She fixed herself a coffee and a cookie. When she turned into the lounge she saw 3 big boxes. Her stuff. How long had all this been here? Had she missed it on one of her other early morning walks around the house?

She sat on the couch, arms around her knees by her chest, and looked at them. She was still looking at them when her Dad came down for work, 2 hours later. He looked at her strangely at first, almost like he didn’t know what to do.

“Hi Max," he said, his voice soft, gentle, full or love and concern, "now I know you don’t want to talk at the moment, and I won't make you. I’m happy to see you sat there,” Max hadn’t turned to look at him, “I’m not going to insult by saying anything. You take all the time you need. I love you.”

He got up to leave, pulling his jacket on, “See you...” he paused there, one arm in his jacket, somehow that small saying having changed meaning halfway through being said. Instead of a statement, it came out as a question, “later?”. Pulling his other arm into his jacket walking towards the door, she heard him sigh.

She decided not to even look in the boxes, and just throw them into the trash. She went to pick up the first box, but it was too heavy. She resigned herself to the fact that she would have to split it all down, and carry it out piece by piece. Inside the box was a letter from David Madsen.

 

_Max,_

_I want to tell you this even though I don’t know you. You mean the world to Joyce,_

_and she would hate me if she ever found out I told you this. Last night she told me_

_that she was glad you were there for Chloe. In her final moments. Max I am not a_

_religious man, but I have seen friends die before me, and I want to tell you this._

_Chloe knew it was you. She knew you were there with her. And it gave her peace._

_I truly believe that, and so does Joyce. I know how long you will struggle with this_

_Max, and I want to let you know I will think of you._

_David_

 

Max couldn’t breathe. Her mouth was open, but only a rattling came out. Her eyes streamed. She felt woozie, like she could pass out. NO!

_I fucking killed her_

_NO_

Curling up into a ball on the floor next to the boxes, she cried herself to sleep.

* * *

 

  
She woke up on the floor, but with a pillow under her head, and blanket over her. Her mum must have seen her and fixed her up before leaving for work herself.

After that letter, everything else in the boxes was easy to bin. None of it remotely mattered to her life anymore. Her school work, books, textbooks and dorm room decorations were first into the garbage. Her clothes and other bits she left in a pile on the couch.

The last box contained her camera, and photography bits and bobs. Grabbing another garbage sack from the roll, she threw it in, not caring for what 3 weeks ago was her so important. Unceremoniously she tied the bag up, and went outside to the bin.

“no,” little more than a whisper. A beautiful iridescent blue butterfly was sat on the lid’s handle.

_What is this_

_Why now please god no_

She moved toward the bin, and the butterfly shifted, pointing its body at her, its wings so thin it almost disappeared. It flew towards her and danced around her head, before settling back onto the same perch. If the doe was Rachel, and this butterfly is Chloe, then what does she want me to do? Not throw my stuff out? But how could this be Chloe? She saw the butterfly before Chloe died.

 _If i can still see them, do I still have my powers_?

"Chloe," she sobbed, "If that's you why are you here? This isn't making anything any fucking  easier. I can't live like this," she dropped to her knees. The butterfly took to it's wings again, Max watched as it flew haphazardly away.

3 hours later she accepted that the encounter hadn’t granted her powers back. But she had taken her photography equipment to her bedroom. Dressing was easy. The same hipster things as before, except always the black ones. She left the house.

She hadn't done that since coming home.

_Yeah home_

She wandered the local streets, looking for skaters to try and score some weed. There were more parks within walking distance of her house than she realised. But she hear the wsssshhh-clack of boards. She cut through a hedge into a skate park. It's strange how skaters look like skaters wherever they are. These guys could really be Trevor or Justin. Max watched them for a bit, occasionally they'd fall, and spring back up dusting themselves down. A small splinter group formed, and headed off towards the other end of the park.

Max followed down, and could smell she was right before she got anywhere near them.

"Yo! Dude! D'ya mind? This is kinda private!". The "Dude" made Max flinch.

_So Max, honesty or bullshit?_

"Hey guys," said Max summoning all her courage, "I'm really just looking to score some weed." They eyed her suspiciously, so Max continued, "I've just been dragged back here by my parents, my best friend died..." she was openly crying now. Two girls walked over to Max, both the same kinda height, but one blonde, one redhead and they steered her off. They passed her a joint and she pulled on it and inhaled the smoke deeply.

"I'm Nat and she's Becky," said the blonde, Nat.

"Are you okay?" added Becky.

Max could feel the THC hitting the spot. "No, I'm pretty fucking far from okay," said Max.

The girls took a step back, so Max added, "My best friend for 14 years died, in fact, I think we were going to end up more than friends,".

The girls looked at each other "What's your name?" asked Nat.

"Sorry, I'm Max,".

"We'll Max, if you've got the cash we can help you out. What's your cell number?"

They exchanged numbers. It seemed that Nat and Becky were quite popular, everybody wanted a hug goodbye, or a fist bump as they walked past.

"So Max," said Nat, "Our dealer's a bit older, but he's cool, and he's kind of family too, on my Dad's side, so don't be worrying when we get there," Max nodded to show she understood.

The three girls walked for about 25 minutes to get to the dealers spot. They all went inside, and Max was surprised that it was nothing like Franks RV. It was clean and tidy, spotless. There was photos up of a wedding and kids, but Max didn't look to closely so as not to get spotted nosing. She stayed to the back, and let Nat do all the talking and buying. Nats dealer seemed happy with the $250 Max had, and they got a very nice hefty bag in return.

After scoring Max wanted to ditch the two girls straight away, but she realised that it'd be best to keep them onside for the next time she needed. They rolled joints and walked for a couple of hours. These two are okay Max thought.

"Max," asked Becky, "How did your friend die?".

Nat shot Becky a look but Becky just shrugged back at her.

"She was shot,".

Both girls looked at Max shocked. Max continued.

"I was boarding at a school in my home town, though I live in Seattle now. I went to the toilet and a guy came in. He was acting weird like he was hopped up on more than weed, and then Chloe, she came in to confront him about some sketchy shit he was involved in. Things that turned out to be kidnapping, rape and murder. They got into a fight, and he shot her,". The official story. "Fuck Chloe... I miss you so much...".

Max spotted a liquor store they were approaching, and she stepped in. Nat and Becky stood outside feeling nervous, but Max soon reappeared, this time with a bottle of Jack Daniels whisky gripped by the neck.

"How the fuck did you manage that?" asked Nat with a huge smile on her face.

"I just asked," shrugged Max.

They walked on until Max had no idea where she was and the bottle of whisky was nearly empty. She sat down on a bus stop bench. The weed and whisky _were_ numbing her nicely, but Nat and Becky were worried about her.

"Max," Nat looked at her, "How are you getting home?".

 "Hmmmph... home...".

"Max! C'mon Max you need to pull it together," Max's head slumped down until her chin was on her chest.

"Oh for fucks sake Max," said Nat, "What the fuck are we gonna do Becky?".

Becky put her hand in Max's bag, and pulled out her cell, locked. "What's the pin Max? MAX! What's your pin? I'm gonna have to call your folks, get them to pick you up. Max! MAX!".

"Zero, three, one, one," with that Max slipped into unconciousness.

* * *

 

 

Ryan and Vanessa were, it's fair to say, less than impressed with Max's "new friends". Ryan made the point that they didn't ditch her, and looked after her until they arrived. Vanessa scoffed at him. Max's head was pounding, but she'd had no choice but to come downstairs to discuss the whole dirty story. Vanessa was trying to get across to Max how stupid and dangerous what she had done was. Max agreed , it was stupid and dangerous, but her parents were not happy when she added "It was also fun and I'm going to do it again,".

"Max drinking is not the answer," Ryan said to her. Vanessa flashed him a look. "It doesn't work for me," he added. Max looked at him, this was new information to her.

"Ryan now is not the time and place to be discussing your drink problem," said Vanessa, "this is about Max,".

"I know it is 'Ness, and how we both are is all about Max, right now," Vanessa seemed to accept this, not readily, but she didn't disagree.

Max sat for about another half an hour withe her parents. She explained why she got blitzed, but didn't apologise. Eventually the conversation came to a natural end, and Max padded back upstairs to her room. Somehow she had managed to hold onto her considerable stash, so as soon as the conversation was over she went up to her room, climbed onto the garage roof, and blazed. The THC quickly made her feel better, even though she knew that self-medication was never a good thing.

She got her cell and fired off a group message to Nat and Becky.

 

**[Sorry if I got you 2 in trouble]**

**[I'm a bit fucked up]**

**[Max]**

**1510**

**[Don't worry about it]**

**[Nat]**

**1510**

 

**[What Nat said ;-P]**

**[Becky]**

**1511**

 

**[If you ever really need to talk, I'm here for you Max]**

**[Nat]**

**1511**

* * *

 

 

A few weeks passed by, and Max felt no better. She was still aimless, and having nothing to do lead her mind to wander constantly back to Chloe. Her parents, well, her mum, were still wrapping her in cotton wool, not slowing her to do anything. Her depression mixed with boredom was driving her even more insane. She hadn't spoken to Nat or Becky in over a week either. She was no good at keeping in contact with people.

_Five years Chloe, I'm so sorry._

Today though she had a plan. She waited until her parents had left for work. Then headed out herself. She knew what she was looking for, and walked until she saw it. A tattoo parlour. Looking through the window from across the street, the place looked perfect. Clean and professional, yet not the busiest. Timidly she walked in, the bell pinging to alert the staff. A huge bear of a man walked from the backroom. Heavily tattoed and sporting a wife beater, he moved towards her. Despite his bulk and appearance, Max felt so at ease. Easier than she’d felt in weeks.

“Can I help you Miss?” he looked at her, her eyes were just wrong, “Hey honey, are you alright?”. The flood gates opened, her eyes pouring. He stepped over and very gently put a hand on each shoulder, steering her towards the waiting room couch. She sat, and he went over to the shop door, changing the sign to closed.

“Are you okay?” he asked again, clearly concerned.

“N-no,” sobbed Max.

“I will help you however I can sweetness, my names Pete.”

“Max,”.

Pete stepped away, and came back with 2 snickers bars, and two cans of original Coca Cola. “Eat, drink, get your sugars up Max, you look terrible. So do you want me to call the police, has somebody done something to you?”

Max shook her head firmly, “No, it’s not that,” the chocolate and sugary pop tasted amazing, “I lost someone,”.

“Oh shit honey, one of your folks?”, Pete knew that pain, he’d lost his Mum and Dad in the past eighteen months.

“No, she was my... I dunno... My oldest, bestest friend... I think she was more than that actually...”, why was she saying this to him? Was this some kind of strange addiction, telling strangers all about her pain? “I know I love her,”. Pete said nothing, giving her time to gather her thoughts. She suddenly realised that this man knew nothing about her, He didn't know anything about that week. She hadn't told Nat or Becky the truth, but something made her tell him what happened. In her week. She had to leave out some bits of course,  time powers and how Chloe gave herself for the town, but she skilfully changed some dates to fix the holes.

Pete picked up on the weed talk, and the home with parents talk, and fetched his stash. He skilfully rolled a joint, before offering it to her. She took it.

She calmed down.

“So Pete, I need to ask you something else. I want a tattoo. I won't tell anyone where I got it. But I need it,”.

“I don’t think so honey,” Pete answered.

“If you don't do it, I’ll keep looking for someone who will, and... I... well... After talking to you, I really, kinda, want it to be you,”. She passed him the vine picture. He stared at it, lifted it close to his face, looked at her. “I need this so I can be close to her,”. She could see his trepidation. Max seized the initiative by walking out the back of the shop, standing by one of the tables.

Pete moved about, collected some bits, then took a good hour to do his own sketch of the vine. and transferred it onto her arm.

“Here we go,”.

The pain was intense. But the physical pain numbed the emotional pain. It kind of filled the gaps in her. She found that she could force it down into all the cracks, filling herself up with this hot pain, rather than the cold pain of loss. The pain was amazing, addictive.

“That's the outline done. Do you want the colour now as well?” asked Pete, concerned.

Max nodded, and toked on her fourth joint.

And then it was done. The pain went, but it left a warmth. Pete didn’t ask for any money, in fact refused it. He gave her the rest of his stash, “You smoked most of it anyway,” he laughed. She marvelled at the tattoo in front of the mirror. The flying butterfly was on the back of her hand. The vine would be concealed by any long armed clothing. Looking directly at her arm now the smaller butterflies were perfect too.

Pete wrapped it up, and gave her the correct ointment.

“Max?”

“Yes P?”

“Come back some time,”.

She walked out. She felt different somehow.

* * *

 

  
She hid herself away for another week. There was only Chloe. The day after the tattoo she went to the local drug store, and bought some purple hair dye. Talking it to the bathroom at home she followed the instructions. It wasn’t a bright purple, its was dark and moody. Like everything in her life right now.

She looked at herself in the mirror. The tattoo. The hair. She couldn’t help it. Is this how Chloe felt when I left? I cant imagine how she felt after her Dad. She opened the mirrored cabinet for her toothbrush, spying her Dads beard and hair trimmer. 2 minutes later and the left side of her head, from just above the ear was shaved down to a number 2. Just long enough to see the colour. It felt amazing to rub it. She left all the hair and packaging in a huge mess, and went back to her bedroom.  
She had bought herself a pipe too, form the shop next door to the drug store.

_Medication and self-medication right next door, convenient_

She loaded it up, and held the lighter to it. The smoke was hot, and scratchy, but it tasted and smelt amazing. She heard her Mum come in. She pottered about downstairs for an hour or so whilst Max got her smoke on. Eventually her Mum made her way upstairs, she heard her throw stuff on the bed in her parents room, then head for the bathroom. Everything when quiet for a moment.

A knock on the door, “Maxine?,” Max huffed through her nose.

“Maxine open the door,”.

_I'd rather not thanks_

“I can smell weed Max, I’m not an idiot. Open the door,”.

Max got off the bed, padded across the room, and slid open the finger bolt. She’d sat back down on the bed before her mum opened the door. She felt no shame, no need to hide any of it.

_This is real_

Her Mum hadn't seen the tattoo before. She flipped out. Max couldn’t even hear her.

* * *

 

  
Two days after the tattoo she cut herself for the first time. She needed that pain, it smoothed her out. It was the only thing that helped. But it was never enough. The cutting got worse all week. She cut the inside of her thighs where no one would see. On Friday she snuck out and headed for the skate park, to see if Nat and Becky were there. They saw her as soon as she walked in and rushed over to her.

"Your hair!" they screamed almost synchronised. "You look so different Max. Is that what Chloe's hair was like?," Nat slapped Becky for asking the stupid question, and Max just ignored it. 

Sitting on a park bench smoking a joint was a little respite from her life of shit. Listening to the girls laugh at the skaters when they fell was strangely soothing in her THC mind fug.

It dawned on Max that because it was December, she had a coat and gloves on, "The hairs not all though," said Max, slipping her jacket off. The girls looked with wide eyes at the tattoo.

"Did it hurt," Becky asked.

"Not really, er, yeah, but it was kind of a... warm pain," some of the skate dudes had noticed Max, her hair and the fact she had a sick sleeve tattoo helped her stand out from the usual girly spectators.

"Nice ink dude!" shouted one skater who passed by. Max thought for a split second that maybe, just maybe, she'd be able to keep her promise to Chloe. To carry on with her life, to live, and to never forget her. As scenes went, this was okay. She didn't tell the girls about her cutting. That was her private thing. Max's phone was vibrating again. She pulled it out to see 6 missed calls from her mum, and a message from apple to say the tracking feature of her cell had been activated. Max warned Nat and Becky that her mum was probably going to arrive any minute, so they should go and hide at the other end of the park. Neither wanted to go, but Max insisted.

Max just sat and waited on the bench for her mum. Vanessa arrived about 5 minutes later, wild panic all over her face. All the skaters stopped to watch as Vanessa lost her shit, screaming at Max because she was so worried. Berating her for smoking weed again. Max put up no argument, and made no effort to move. She took another long lazy drag off her joint, blowing the smoke out towards her mum.

"Is this how it's going to be Maxine?" asked her mum, "your going to follow in Chloe's foot steps ey? Drinking? Drugs? Staying out all night? Hey?".

Max couldn't believe her mum would try to use Chloe against her, as a bad influence!

"Fuck you mum! This is my thing now. I'm not your little girl you can just swaddle up and boss about. As for using Chloe against me I don't think I can ever forgive you," Vanessa's face dropped. She knew what she said was wrong.

"I wanted a tattoo mum. I wanted this hair mum. I still want Chloe mum. Do you fucking get it? DO YOU? Now fuck off and leave me here,".

Max turned her face away from Vanessa. She heard her sniff, then say, "Sorry," very quietly. She knew she left when Nat and Becky came back over. The girls sat either side of her watching the skaters go back to it.

_Fuck you mum_

* * *

 

  
It was a saturday night, Christmas had been and gone, New Year too. She had done nothing to celebrate either of them. 2014 could fuck right off.

_Celebrate? Really?_

All she could think of was Chloe. Was there any point in anything? All she wanted right now she could never have. She walked down the stairs, and into the kitchen. Her parents were on the couch, with their backs to the kitchen. Over the past month she had drifted further from her mum. They hadn't spoken since the park. She loved her dad so much though. She had stood there for twenty minutes and neither of her parents had turned round. They were glued to some trashy talent show. Well Mum was, Dad was being a news junkie.

_Do you really care?_

She opened the cutlery drawer and found one of the little sharp steak knives, cutting right there behind them. They didn’t notice her little whimper over the racket of the show.

_Oh wow! Ow! Oh that's a bit deep_

_Oh that's a lot of blood._

Standing bare foot in the kitchen, blood was streaming down her left arm, dripping on the floor. The pool was rapidly filling the space between her toes. She dropped the kitchen knife. Both of her parents spun round on the couch, surprised by the noise of the knife hitting the tiles. Loose grey track pants and her black moth t shirt soaked with her blood. Her Dad was on her in a second, leaping over the back of the couch. He squashed the cut so tight it hurt.

_Did I try to push him off_

  
Deeper I dream...

...Further down

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second of the three chapters I wrote whilst waiting for my ao3 invitation. More ground work for the ongoing story, and I introduce some OCs.
> 
> Max is in a really bad place.


	3. Inpatient

Max’s parents rushed her to hospital, she’d lost a lot of blood, and Ryan was not going to wait for an ambulance. He’d never driven so fast before. Vanessa was in the back of the crew cab, cradling Max’s head in her lap, whilst still applying pressure to the deep cut on Max’s left arm. The hospital was about fifteen minutes from the Caulfield house, but the drive felt much longer. Especially for Vanessa.

"Oh Max please my baby," she cried, "Please, please be okay... please,".

"Vanessa so long as you keep the pressure on she will be fine," said Ryan.

"Ryan I'm so sorry I yelled at her, she needed to know I loved her,".

"What's with all the past-tense shit Vanessa," he replied, "It's a nasty cut, but I was on her quick," Vanessa continued sobbing, "Listen to me, Vanessa, Vanessa!," she looked at her husband, "She will be fine, physically,".

"What does that mean Ryan? Physically? So she's not going to be okay mentally?," Vanessa couldn't handle this. She was a good person, and a good mother, but she didn't know how to help her daughter, and that realisation had her petrified.

"C'mon 'Ness," Ryan was driving hard as he spoke, "She's obviously not mentally well now is she? She needs help, and we will get it for her,".

Ryan scanned the road ahead, beeping his horn and flashing his lights as necessary. Luckily no one got in the way. Not wasting any time at all, Ryan drove straight over the curb and the grass in front of the hospital. Stopping with a screech surrounded by a cloud of acrid tyre smoke.

Ryan carried Max in, and the nurses lead Ryan down two corridors, leading him straight to a room. He gently put Max on the bed, and was shooed back by the medical team rushing to his daughters aid.

They uncovered the wound, and blood oozed easily form it. A nurse tried to give her an injection, and her mind went back to the dark room. She fought off the nurse, scratching and biting. Her arm started to bleed really badly.

Ryan went to step forward again, but the hospital staff knew what they were doing, and swung into action. Ryan and Vanessa were gently asked to leave, and escorted out.

Max screamed, “I’M NOT TIED UP THIS TIME,” as they were leaving the room. Vanessa went white, and fell into Ryan, who had to physically hold her up.

In the end, 2 orderlies and a different nurse held her down, whilst a doctor jabbed her. The injection quickly went to work. Max quietened down which gave the staff a chance to complete the simple task of stopping the bleeding.

The police were called because of what Max said. The staff had no choice, with the recent disgusting events at Blackwell. Max slept, high on whatever drug the doc gave her.

* * *

 

  
She woke to her parents voices, quiet and scared.

“What can we do Ryan,”.

“We can love her, and be here for her, we’re not experts in this ‘Ness,”.

“Why did she scream that Ryan, Tied up? Who did that to my baby,”.

Ryan had spoken to the police detective who attended because of what Max screamed, “The Detective thinks maybe Max... was... another victim,” he swallowed “that maybe she’s like the other girls who can't remember what happened. Maybe she can’t either,”.

The Detective had failed to mention to Ryan that no file on Max featured in Jefferson’s collection.

“So what do we do then,”.

“We can only wait ‘Ness, the staff here are really good,”.

Max's head felt really fluffy, and her body felt like she was floating in water. She was asleep again soon.

* * *

 

  
Max was moved to a secure hospital the day after. The passage of time started to have no meaning for her. The only variations in the daily routine were what she was made to swallow. Sometimes she had more pills to take, sometimes different coloured. People came and talked to her, Doctors, quacks. She had nothing worth saying to any of them. Nobody would ever believe her, who would?

Max thought she had been there a month, maybe two. It was comfortable and quiet. Peaceful. The hospital let her keep the haircut, and didn’t mind her wearing short sleeve Ts either. Max knew it was so it was easier for them to find a road in, to crack her, she admitted to herself that it was after all her only outward expression on the world. It was a Friday morning when a different Doctor came to see her.

Max thought that Doctor Voss was in her late 20s or early 30s, average height, average weight. Her personality shone through her. She listened to her talk to her parents. Sweet talking both of them effortlessly.

“Hey Max,” she said, walking towards the chair in Max’s room. Max looked out of her window without moving. “There’s something you should know about me Max, I don’t give up. I know you want to talk. I know you want to tell everyone,”. She shifted slightly before continuing, “and well seeing the list of names who have tried to crack you, and failed, I think they gave me this to just tick boxes. Make sure they can say they did their best to help you,”. Max noticed how Voss spoke differently to the others. “And you know what Max? Fuck them!,”.

Max turned to look at her. She’d looked at the other quacks too.

_Don’t get your hopes up Voss_

The first session was just Voss speaking. Saying the same old things as every other shrink. So understanding. She spoke of what she knew. She’d done her homework. Max was not impressed.

The next dozen sessions where a waste of time. The same questions, the same eyes from Voss. It was all the same. Like that film that she loved watching with Chloe, it had Bill Murray in it, Groundhog Day. She and Chloe were a pair of geeks watching sci-fi together. Laughing about what they'd do in that situation. Max was not doing well in poor old Bill’s shoes. If she didn’t get out of here soon, she may have to follow some of Bill’s more drastic measures soon.

In one session Voss walked in and Max was sat on the floor under the window, her back to the wall. Voss said nothing, and sat beside her. She sat there for the whole hour. Then left. Many, many sessions came and went. Max did not speak or care.

It hurt so much when her parents would visit.

As the sessions with Voss went on she started speaking of herself as well. Max listened. Voss was okay. She’d not had an easy life. Lots of bigots in her home town. Her parents were verbally abused daily. She didn’t have friends, and grew up with her head in books.

At university she met Chris. Her first great love. Allie, Voss insisted Max called her Allie, and Chris were joined at the hip. As second year students they got their own place together.

Chris was killed in a traffic accident in October 2012. Almost a year to the day before Chloe.

“Chris was walking home from work, like every day,” Voss’ voice was racked with emotion, Max couldn’t believe she could actually speak at all, “And got hit by an SUV which mounted the sidewalk,” Voss lifted her head, as if looking at something tall.

“The police knocked on my door Max,” explained Voss, “The lights were still flashing on top of the cruiser. They said that Chris had been in an accident, and needed me right now. That I need to be prepared for the worst. Obviously I asked them, ‘Prepared for what?’”.

“They repeated themselves. Chris had been in an accident, and that I should go with them right now, adding I shouldn't delay because there wasn’t much time left,” Voss’ face was soaking wet, she racked in a huge breath before continuing.  
“I grabbed my coat and keys, and sprinted to the cruiser. I kept asking them ‘What kind of accident?’ and ‘Where the hell are we going?’, ‘Not much time for what?’. The two cops didn’t say another word to me Max, they just faced straight ahead. They couldn’t even look at me,”.

“I knew it was going to be bad Max, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. The whole front end of an SUV was wrapped around one side of a tree. I could see some medics at the front of it, and the fire department were just standing about, not cutting or moving anything,”.

Voss sobbed to herself before continuing.

“I got out of the cruiser and walked towards the SUV. Everyone was looking at me strange, avoiding eye contact with me. As I got closer I could see what happened,”.

Voss was shaking, her body racked with her crying.

“The SUV had pinned Chris just below the ribcage, the ambulance crew on the scene said that they had given Chris something for the pain that didn't interfere with consciousness, so I could say goodbye,”.

"So that I could say goodbye...".

“Chris was so peaceful there Max. In no pain at all. We kissed, said g-good bye and the SUV was pulled away. I said I love you, and Chris looked at me and said ‘I know you do Allie, I love you too. Be good.’ Chris went seconds after that,”.

“I literally saw the moment the light left Chris’ eyes Max,”.

Voss Wept next to Max for half an hour before getting up to leave.

“I didn't see the driver at the time, but in court it was explained it was a family going home. The Dad was driving, and he was distracted by the kids in the back misbehaving,”.

As she was walking out she turned at looked at Max. Max’s eyes were full of tears, her face red.

“Fuck it,” Voss moved gently towards Max, she pulled a photo out of her purse. Laminated but dog eared. It was a picture of a red headed woman. Green eyes. Piercing green eyes. Beautiful face with those eyes, clearly pouring love towards the photographer. She smiled into the camera. Allie held up another photo to be seen. Max was confused at first. Allie was in the photo with the red head, kissing her.

“Christine,”.

* * *

 

  
“Max, could I hold your wrist please?” Max held up her arm. Allie put her fingers around it, she was Allie to Max now. Her hands were warm and soft. It wasn’t the first time she’d tried this, but it was the first since Max learned of Christine. Allie didn’t say anything. She just sat there. Max drifted off. She was telling Chloe about her powers, in the two whales. Doing games to convince her. The sun was in Max's eyes now. Streaming through Chloe’s flag over her bedroom window. Max tried to see if actually change anything, like in her photo jumps.

“Did you, like, really want me to, you know, this morning, uh, yeah, kiss you Chloe,” Chloe who was hitting a massive joint at that moment coughed out a massive cloud of smoke. She choked on it for a second. She held up one slender hand between them, choking down her coughing fit.

“Dude!”.

When she dropped her hand, she had one eyebrow raised, a patented Chloe expression.

“Maxaroni! Comin’ straight out with it ey?” she grinned, “Timing Max! Nearly fuckin' killed me there. I didn’t know you were, actually, gonna do it! You rocked my world though sista,” she said with a wink. Max felt her cheeks flush. She closed her eyes because of the sun in her face.

“Girls or Boys?”. Chloe stood in front of her between changing rooms in the Blackwell pool. Max totally missed the inference the first time round, but this time the question was obvious.

“Girls, of course.” Answered Max.

“Ooh la la,” Max flushed again.

Whilst they were swimming Max tried to make another change, she pretended to get a cramp in her leg. Splashed a bit and ducked under. Sure enough Chloe's hands found her, lifting her above the water. She spun it out for as long as she could, Chloe's long arms around her waist, the heat of her chest and waist in her back.

“Max, are you, maybe faking it a bit, so I have to hold you like this?” Max could almost hear the blush in her friends voice.

“Maybe, like a bit,” She laughed. Neither made an attempt to break the clinch though.

The cliff top, the tornado is right there, moving towards Arcadia Bay.

“Don't you forget me Maxine Caulfield,”

“Never,”.

* * *

 

 

The sessions with Allie continued, but Max still said nothing. She was speaking, just not in the sessions. Sitting outside one warm day Allie came and sat by her.

"Hi Max."

"Hi Allie," Max liked her, "It's, like, so nice sitting out here. It fuckin' stinks in there." Max gestured towards the hospital with a backwards flick of her head, her purple hair whipping with the movement.

"How you doing today Max?" Allie couldn't help but try.

"Allie is this a session?"

"No Max, it's not."

"Okay, so no business talk."

"Fair enough Max." Max knew it was all "business" talk really. What music are you listening too? What book is that? Did you watch anything on the TV over the weekend? Max would provide ridiculous answers to all the questions. Allie knew she wasn't listening to Boyzone, reading Mein Kampf or watching Sesame Street, but she liked Max's sense of humour. The fact she still had one was a good sign so far as Aliie was concerned.

"I wish I could help some of these people," Max said to Allie, "They are all hurting so much, everybody here."

"You and me both Max," said Allie, "Oh and by the way, I include you in that statement."

Max rolled her eyes, "How old are you Allie?"

"I'm twenty eight Max, why do you ask?"

"I don't know if I can, or should, ask what I want to," Max said sheepishly looking over at Allie.

"Just ask Max."

"How do you cope with, er, with what happened to, uhhr..."

"With what happened to Chris?"

Max's face was burning, "Yeah, and, well, do you think you'll ever find someone you may love in the same way again?".

"Oh Max, those are really difficult questions. But I'll try to answer them, but only because it's you asking. First I cope on a day to day basis. Every day is different, some days the simplest thing can trigger such a deep seated pain, such a feeling of loss, that I just want to stay in bed. Then I remember what Chris said, and what my shrink said, and I lift my head up, and I try to be good, and I deal with wants in front of me."

Max had turned sideways on the bench to face Allie as she talked, so Allie mirrored her body language, almost subconsciously. Training.

"I will never, ever, find anyone like Chris again. She was truly unique. I have though about this for a long time, almost a year longer than you've been thinking about this same question Max. Since I've been trying to help you, I found an answer."

"We are all unique Max. Not just Chris, or Chloe. All of us. Chris was perfect for me, just as I was for her. Just as you and Chloe were for each other. I will never find another Chris, but I think I will find someone who is perfect for me again, the way I am now, with all the extra baggage and experiences that come with living. Does that make sense?"

Max nodded at her, then whispered, "If it were allowed I'd hug you Allie, thanks."

* * *

 

In her next session Allie told MAx that she had a review coming up. In fact it was due the following week. She said that everything looked really positive, and she was expecting Max to be moved onto out patient status, and be allowed home. Max was overjoyed. Allie did her usual wrist holding thing, and Max did her usual zoning out thing.

She was tied to a chair. Jefferson was moving about in front of her, but it was all cloudy, obscured by his chemical cocktail. The whole conversation flowed through her brain, including how she atagonised him into calling her a 'cunt' She loved the fact that she could annoy him, even though she had no power whatever. It was strange and difficult to remember exactly what was being said, probably because of the drugs again, it felt more like she was watching from inside her own head, than actually living it.

Eventually though she felt a slight pressure release her wrist, and when she looked down at it she was sitting in her room.

That was the last session before her review. She rang her parents to tell them, they acted all excited like it was news to them, but Max knew that they were already aware of it.

"How long have ou guys known," she asked.

"Only about eight weeks you goof!" said her dad.

"Don't call her that Ryan," her mum chipped in.

"Well she is a goof 'Ness, jeez,".

"I cant wait to see you both next week," Max gushed, "I love you so much,".

"Oh baby we love you too," her mum said instantly.

* * *

 

Finally it was the day of her review.

Her parents brought her new clothes. They arrived about 4 hours before the review was due to start. The clothes were nice.. What she would normally wear. Jeans and Ts. Converse pumps. The clothes suited her, made her feel so much better than the hospital clothes.

She put on white jeans, a pink T with a unicorn on, and a nice flannel over the top. She didn’t care for the flannel, it covered her tatt’, but she needed to get the fuck out of this hospital. Today.

With so much time before the review, Max took them into the garden, to her favourite bench, and sat in the sun listening to them talk. Mum was full of news, good news at that, to do with all her many cousins. One had been accepted into Blackwell. They spoke about how her grandparents couldn't wait to see her.

"Do they know about my hair, and sleeve?".

Vanessa waved the question away. They went to the canteen and had a pretty decent lunch. Well, it was warm and edible at least.

Eventually it was time, so Max and her parents filed into the room. It was big and spacious. Airy with high white ceilings and walls. Not behind the Doctors desk, instead on the left side of the room was a big window with much better views out onto the grounds than from max’s room. Two male doctors walked in and took there places behind the desk. Allie followed on. She didn't look happy.

“Maxine, er, Caulfield.” The doctor read from his notes as he spoke, “You've been with us for,” page turning, “Six months and twelve days,”.

_Really? That long_

“In that time you have made no further attempts at self harming, and the staff here have not been worried about you doing so. In fact the staff that you have spoken to have said that you are a polite, charming girl,”. He looked at his notes.

“However, it does say here that you have only spoken to one of our staff, and that you only spoke outside of your sessions,".

_That's right._

"The reason you have been here as long as you have is because of your lack of communication within your sessions. Recently though Doctor Voss had a breakthrough. You opened up to her, though you probably are aware that you did. In fact, this is probably the first time you were aware you had spoken in a session at all,”.

_What. The. Fuck._

He nodded at Allie. She coughed and looked Max in the eyes. There was anger in her eyes, not towards Max though.

“In my sessions Max has been speaking to me freely about the week beginning Monday October Seventh, however, she thinks she has been speaking to Chloe Price,”.

_No_

“It appears that the shock and stress of that week has caused Max to create a completely different week in her head. In this fantasy she has powers over time, which she uses to save Chloe Price from being shot, and goes on to solve the murder of Rachel Amber with her,”.

_Er no, it really happened_

“During that week she helped several pupils of Blackwell. One from committing suicide. She and Chloe Price break the law several times. Theft of a gun, underage drinking, drugs. She also had a developing romantic relationship with Chloe Price,”.

_Oh no no no it really happened it wasn’t a fantasy_

_It wasn’t a dream_

“She and Chloe Price go through a lot of challenging situations. Confrontations with parents, friends, and local drug dealers,”.

“In her fantasy instead of Chloe Price’s funeral being held on Friday October Eleventh, a huge EF6 tornado is heading for the town, which can only be stopped by undoing all her time meddling, and allowing Chloe Price to be killed...”.

A brief pause.

“...by going back to the start of the week, and allowing Nathan Prescott to shoot her,”.

“Her brain knows that Chloe Price has all ready been murdered, and so as a way of explaining it, to itself, it created the very complicated, and quite beautiful fantasy that cannot be proved, forcing her to remain quiet about it,”.

“The cleverest part of it though is that because of time travel, both weeks exist for Max, but only the one for us,”.

Tears are poring down Max’s face. Her Dad is holding her right hand. The one with the butterfly.

“In her fantasy Chloe Price is a hero, saving hundreds of lives in a final act of true, unselfish, sacrifice. The pain of not being able to tell anyone that the person you love most in the world gave themselves for those people is insufferable,”.

“Blue butterflies play a strong role in her fantasy, hence the tattoo. She blames the butterfly for all her pain and anguish. In her eyes it is the source of the power somehow. Her hair is a way to express her developing, changing sexuality,”.

Now Allie stiffens. “Against my judgement, it has been determined that Max needs to hear the truth. That she did not sacrifice Chloe Price. That she is not responsible for any of this,”.

_Noooooooooo_

The third doctor now spoke, tetchy from Voss’ closing statement, “One thing Max said that we do believe however is that she was abducted by Mark Jefferson, and that this is what caused most of the damage,” his gaze shifted across Max, Ryan and Vanessa, “she needs to be reminded of the truth, but also allowed to speak of her fantasy, so that her mind can correctly process the week as it actually happened,”.

“We all agree that she should be allowed home. There is no reason to question the ability of either parent with Max. They appear attentive and intelligent. Max can go home with them today,”.

“She will of course be on a treatment program. It was quite difficult to prescribe for Max, technically she's depressed, but an anti-depressant won't help Max to see the truth,”.

“An anti-psychotic is more appropriate for her symptoms, even though she is not psychotic. Per se,”.

_Per-fuckin-se?_

* * *

 

  
Ryan and Vanessa were so happy Max was coming home. They'd already told her how new flooring was fitted downstairs, and that all the rooms had had a lick of paint whilst she was an in patient. Ryan couldn’t sit still with worry.

As they turned out of the drive to the hospital, they saw Allie leaning against her car, flagging them down. She came over to Max's window. Ryan rolled it down from the front seat.

“I'm so sorry Max. I feel like I've cheated you out of a life defining adventure... your... relationship. This is my number. If you need to call me.” She put her hand  though the window, offering Max her card.

“But please Max. Keep level headed. Think about what you’ve heard today. Speak to your parents about everything you think happened. No matter how small. I promise you it will get better,”.

Max looked at her, and taking the card from her hand, kept her fingers touching Allie’s for just a fraction longer than she needed to. “It’s okay Allie, I understand,”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the last of the pre-written chapters I'm afraid.
> 
> This chapter has laid most of the ground work for this particular story arc, from here on out things start to happen. 
> 
> I hope to release one chapter a week, but I'm sure real life will try get in the way.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading, N


	4. Do you know who you really are? Are you sure it's really you?

The morning after getting home she got up really early, and sat in the kitchen waiting for them to wake up, and come downstairs. Her dad was first down, he had work, but when Max asked him to stay home, so that she could explain everything he said, “Of course I will,”.

Max and her dad sat at the table for a couple of hours before Vanessa came down.

“Oh! Hiya you two,” she smiled towards them, “Ryan I thought you had gone already.”

“Yeah well Max asked me to stay so we could talk.”

“That goes for you as well, Mum. Stay with us today, please?”, Max looked at her.

Vanessa got her cell out, and quickly composed a text.

“Done,” she smiled, “Seeing as how we’re all at the table I might as well fix us something to eat and drink, ey?”

Max and Ryan nodded. Vanessa smiled and busied herself in the kitchen. Max got up and made her way over. Her mum turned to look at her approach, a small wince crossing her face seeing her daughter in the kitchen after the last time. A few tears grew in her eyes, she wiped them away. Max put her arms round her, and the pair just hugged it out for a minute or two.

Eventually Vanessa broke the hug, and got back to fixing up some food.

“Thanks Mum,” she said, “Today will be... strange... but I need to do it. I think.”

Max excused herself to use the toilet, but went up to her bedroom. She had discovered that her stash still hadn’t been found last night, so she hopped out onto the garage roof and had a joint before coming back down. A huge stack of pancakes, strips of bacon and scrambled eggs were waiting when she returned.

“Yum,” she said.

They all ate in silence, once their plates were empty, and bellies were full, all three of them helped in the clean up, then sat back at the table again. Max started to speak. She started at the beginning. Her parents listened. They cried when Max explained seeing Chloe die. They smiled, and laughed and Vanessa blushed when Max spoke of swimming, and kissing.

* * *

 

 

It had taken a good 5 hours to explain this much, so Ryan suggested they go out for lunch. Which they did. They hopped in Ryan's truck and drove for about an hour. Max looked out of the window, with her ear buds in. Josh Homme was some kind of lyrical god she decided whilst mouthing the words to I Appear Missing.

_Except for a heart-shaped hole where the hope runs out_

They were driving through the forest when Ryan pulled into the lot in front of an old looking diner. They all climbed out and stretched their legs for a bit. Her parents headed in, but Max explained she was going to smoke a cigarette. Her dad nodded and gently guided her mum into the diner, and into a booth where she could see Max out of the window.

Being the first week of August the weather was pretty nice. The sun was filtering through the conifers, making the light really beautiful, but also keeping the temperature down a touch. This was a really beautiful spot. Max decided to ask her dad how he knew about it, how he found it.

A compact car pulled in, fully loaded with college age kids. They looked at Max, her hair, her tattoo. They walked over to her commenting on how “sick” she looked. Max had the usual small talk with them about the tattoo, yes its real, yes it hurt.

Vanessa watched her daughter through the window. Max looked so awkward around the older kids talking to her. With her new appearance she looked older than her years too. Vanessa wasn’t angry anymore, she wasn’t dissapointed either. Not with Max at least.

She had been punishing herself since the day she caught Max stoned after getting the tattoo and cutting her hair. It was her fault. Ryan slid into the booth opposite her, her looked at Max too.

“Stop blaming yourself ‘Ness,” she looked at him, “Max’s story this morning didn’t have anything to do with us. It was all her and Chloe. She hasn’t even got to the end of the week yet, so there’s more to come.”

Vanessa looked at him, he was clearly thinking about something, his eyes on his daughter, yet still distant.

“I just don’t know what I’ll do when she get’s around to talking about that sick fuck Jefferson.”

“The docs think that really happened ‘Ness, and that makes it more scary than ‘Max’s week’ to me.”

His head dropped briefly, “But she’s here with us now, better than she’s been in ages. So I’m gonna go with it, because I...”, she could his eyes filling, “... she’s my little girl. I could not deal with losing her,”.

Ryan stopped talking, and looked at Vanessa. She was crying too. Without any thought she leant across the table and kissed him.

Max knocked on the window, they both looked at her and she pointed at another cigarette between her fingers. They nodded at her, and she moved away from the window towards the entrance of the diner. The waitress came over, so Ryan ordered three cheeseburgers and chilli fries, with cokes. The waitress left to pass their order on, just as Max walked in. Ryan swapped sides of the table, he wanted to sit opposite Max.

She slid in up to the window. And looked out of it. She turned to her parents.

“Where were we?”.

The rest of her story was a lot darker. Wednesday was all about Kate killing herself. Max wept when she explained how she didn’t answer her phone because she was with Chloe. Thursday and Friday fucking sucked though to be honest. Her mum had a hard time with the time travel. All the changes, bringing Chloe back to life, again, after Jefferson shot her.

She could see her dad getting really uncomfortable with the dark room. So she played up the drugged angle of it, as a way of not remembering much of it, and therefore not having to explain it much either.

The sun was getting lower as they got back into the truck.

Max clicked on her belt saying, “I want to say something now, so that you know this is not a spur of the moment thing. I intend to go back to Arcadia Bay, and visit Chloe's grave, I think it may help to fix things in my head. Seeing the dates on her head stone.”

Before her parents could say anything she added “And I'm going to do it on... her... after a year,”.

That kind of killed the conversation, and the drive home was mostly in silence, apart from Max’s music. She realised she’d not tried to contact Nat or Becky. They were her only, friends?

* * *

 

 **[Yo Yo Yo!]**  
**[(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ]**  
**[Max]**  
**1612**

 **[Shes bk!!]**  
**[ヽ(‘ ∇‘ )ノ]**  
**[Nat]**  
**1617**

 **[You two out ltr?]**  
**[Max]**  
**1620**

 **[Already there!]**  
**[Nat]**  
**1622**

 

Max walked to the skate park. She’d told her parents where she was going, and who she was seeing. They didn’t mention weed, or drinking, she was glad. That didn’t mean she wasn’t going to blaze though. She rolled half a dozen joints in her room, putting them in her cig packet. It was still warm out, so Max didn't bother with a coat. Anyway she liked showing off her ink.

She lit up and smoked as she walked to the park. It was so good to be out of the hospital, but she still didn’t feel right. If what Allie said was true, then it never happened. But she could remember it. Not like remembering a dream, but actual memories.

It was confusing, she was a rational person and accepted it was much more likely that she had suffered a mental break, than developed powers over time. Did her acknowledging that mean she agreed with, or believed that though? She shook her head. She didn’t know. Taking another long drag of her joint, she heard the familiar noise of skate boards.

Her reception from the girls was like that of a wounded hero back from a war. They fussed all over her. It felt good, and to Max that was wrong.

The conversation flowed between the two girls as Max just enjoyed the company. As the THC worked its magic, Max felt more like talking.

“Hey girls I’m sorry,” she shuffled her feet.

“Ah, Max,” said Nat, “No need to apologise to us. You had a really hard time. I know that I couldn’t have coped if I went through all you did,”.

Max lit a joint and they passed it around in silence for a couple of minutes. One of the skaters took a heavy fall, and Nat walked over to check if he was okay, leaving Max with Becky. Becky looked at Max out of the corner of her eye, then turned to face her full on.

“Nat really missed you Max,” Max dropped her eyes, and looked to the side, then she looked back to Becky, “She was worried out of her mind too. Did your parents tell you she went to your house?,”

Max shook her head.

“Oh, well, she did. Bold as brass, knocked on your front door. Your dad answered and they spoke for a minute before he invited her in. I was watching from the corner.”

“When she came back out ten or fifteen minutes later she had obviously been crying, but she hasn’t told me what she talked about,” Becky smiled at Max, “When she comes back I’ll slip off, let you ask her.”

Max wasn’t sure what to say, so she just nodded. Nat looked over and saw the two of them looking at her, she waved, and mouthed “He’s fine,” with a bit of a giggle. Soon enough she came sort of running, skipping maybe, back over. Max hadn’t really paid this close attention to her before. She was kind of cute.

Becky made her excuse, “Hey girls, I’ve got to go home, stuff to do and that,”.

_Becky!_

She walked off leaving Max and Nat alone.

“Fancy a bit of a walk?” asked Max.

“Let's go!” replied Nat.

They walked out of the skate park, and headed down towards the nearby lake. For the first ten minutes or so, Max just turned things over in her brain. She did like Nat, she was fun, and nice to be around, but Max hadn’t thought of, or looked at anyone that way. She wasn't sure she could. Max spoke first.

“Nat, did you go to my house?”, Nat’s face flushed red, and she tried to look away, “It’s okay, you know I’m not mad or anything. I just want to know why?”.

“Because I’m your friend, and I wanted know you were okay, wherever you were...”

“Becky made it sound more than that. She said you went in, and came out after crying.”

“Yeah, that's true,” Nat said. She continued without any more prompting, filling Max in on what she said to her mum and dad.

They made it to the lake, and sat on a grass bank, enjoying the late afternoon sunshine. Max was feeling pretty stoned, and Nat sure looked it. Not much was said between the two of them as they just looked out over the lake, watched the sun dip lower and lower, and had another joint.

“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel, or what I’m supposed to do,” Max said to herself, or to Nat, she hadn’t decided, “I’m being told by experts that what I think happened to me, didn’t. Well, some of it did. The bits that apparently didn’t happen though, they were the bits I wish had happened the most,”.

“I’m so fucked up with all this Nat. I have been mourning someone for a long time and it may have been a complete waste of my life. Now I’m sat here changed, for ever. Not just physically, my hair and ink, but mentally I’m a different person.”

Nat reached for Max’s hand, putting the tips of her first three fingers on the butterfly on the back of her right hand. Max let the touch linger for several seconds, before moving her hand. She lit a cig, drawing the smoke deep to try and collect herself.

She stared out across the lake again, the sun on her face.

“If nothing happened between me and Chloe, then why does it feel so real. It feels so real that I can’t think being with someone else yet.”

Max stood up, and looked down and Nat, “I’ve gotta go,” she said, “See ya later.”

* * *

 

 **[MAX WTF]**  
**1910**

 **[Hi Becky]**  
**1911**

 **[WTF DID YOU SAY TO NAT]**  
**1912**

 **[Fux it got 2 do wiv u?]**  
**1915**

 **[YOU KNOW SHE FUCKING LIKES YOU]**  
**[LIKE “LIKES” YOU]**  
**[AND YOU DITCH HER AT THE LAKE]**  
**[SO AGAIN WTF MAX]**  
**1920**

 **[NOT RDY FOR THT]**  
**1922**

  
Max threw her phone on her bed and went downstairs. Her dad looked up from the stove.

“Hey there, have a nice evening?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that Nat called in?” Max leaned on the counter top next to the stove.

Her dad looked at her, “She asked me not too. How did you find out?”

“Becky,”.

“Of course,” Ryan rolled his eyes, “Nat is a really nice, cute, kid Max. She , uh, cares for you a lot.”

“I didn’t want to get involved at all, but she was crying on my doorstep. Somebody told her that you nearly died. She said that that was what made her realise how she thought of you,”.

He moved so he could put a hand on each of her shoulders.

“Life is strange Max. I sat at the table and looked at it from her point of view. You blow into town, all hair and tattoo, your messed up, but so interesting, your so worth being with. Does that a bit familiar to you Max?”

Max huffed a little out of her nose.

“How do you feel about her Max? I mean, Nat is here, now. She is clearly into you.”

“I feel like its too soon,” she said.

“After what Max?”, said Ryan, “I’m sorry to say this, but... well, actually I don’t need to say it as you already know.”

"I'm not telling you to do anything, just pointing out some things I think your missing,".

With that he went back to the stove. Max went back to her room, and flopped on her bed. She reached for her phone.

 

 **[Truce Becky. Is she okay]**  
**[1940]**

 

She put her phone done and rolled another joint. She’d have to visit Frank 2.0 again soon. Sitting on the garage roof she waited for a message to come back from Becky. She had maybe been a bit harsh.

 

 **[Max ask her yourself]**  
**[If your interested]**  
**1950**

 

Max had no idea what to send to Nat. Should she apologise. She hadn't lied to her. If Nat really was ‘into her’ and ‘Liked her’ Max had to be careful. She didn’t want to hurt her. Her dads parenting game was too damn good. She still hadn't decided 20 minutes later. So went with emoji.

 

 **[ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ]**  
**[^butterfly]**  
**2010**

 

She climbed back into her bedroom, and clicked the TV on. She flicked through the pay per view films. A new Tom Cruise Sci Fi was being touted heavily. She wasn't a fan of Cruise, but it did look good. She went downstairs, grabbed some pop and snacks, and headed back up to watch the film.  
The film was really good. She was getting into it when her phone buzzed.

 

 **[(ಥ﹏ಥ)]**  
**[^NOT ME]**  
**2055**

 

 **[wt u up2]**  
**2055**

 

 **[nothn]**  
**[u]**  
**2056**

 

 **[Edge Of Tommorow]**  
**[Pretty good]**  
**2057**

 

 **[Least ur ok]**  
**2057**

 

 **[I'm not rly]**  
**2058**

 

 

No response came, so Max settled back into her movie. Tom killed the big glowing alien thing, setting off a chain reaction killing all the other nasty bastards.

“MAX,” it was her dad shouting, she padded over and opened her door.

“What's up dad,”

“It's nearly ten so probably a bit late for visitors, but anyway...” he looked up at her, she made no reaction to him, “The door goof,” he said, nodding in its direction. He walked off with a little chuckle.

Max went downstairs, and over to the open door. Nat was outside, her eyes were all red and puffy from crying. Max looked about in the street for Becky, or how she got here.

“I walked here Max,” said Nat, “I haven't been home yet, I sat in the park until it was almost completely dark. Becky messaged me, and I told her what happened,”.

“You coming in?” asked Max.

“Do you want me too?”, Max nodded at her.

Nat stepped in, and Max told her to wait at the bottom of the stairs whilst she told her parents. Max was gone for about thirty seconds, then came back and lead Nat up to her room.

Nat looked about her room, taking everything in.

“It’s a bit blank Max,” she said looking at Max’s photo board.

“I feel a bit blank Nat.” Max sighed.

“We need to talk don’t we?”.

Nat sat on the end of Max bed, looking at Max’s face. Her dad was right, she was very cute.

_Fuck_

Max walked over to her window, lighting a cig, blowing the smoke out as much as she could. She turned to look at Nat, who was still looking at her.

“Nat, I, uh... shit! I’m not very good at this am I. Uh, I like you, I do. But I’m still really hung up on Chloe you know. I’m not saying we can’t... uh... Fucking hell, I am really shit at this!” they both laughed.

“Max,” started Nat, “I just want you to be happy, with or without me as a friend,” Max raised an eyebrow, “but hopefully you choose the with me option. Shit! Why is this so hard to say Max.” She was blushing.

“I want to be more than just friends. There I’ve said it now. It’s out there. I've never had feelings towards a girl before. But I can’t get you out of my head,” she was staring at Max, looking for some kind of clue to what she was thinking.

“I don’t want you to be a rebound, or whatever the fuck this is though Nat. I really want you in my life, but that's all I can say for now,” Max put her face in her hands after saying that, and she felt Nat moving on the bed.

“I’m going to hug you now Max,” she said, “As a friend though of course,” she laughed. She slipped her arms around Max and held onto her. Max moved her hand off her face and put them on top of Nat’s hands. Nat moved her hands a little bit so that she could put her fingers on the butterfly again.

They sat like that for a couple of minutes, before Max suggested a joint, and a movie.

Max’s phone buzzed.

 

 **[Nat can stay if you want]**  
**[Make sure her parents know]**  
**2211**

 

Max showed the screen to Nat, “My dad,”.  
Nat text her mum to let her know, and they put a film on.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter hot of the press for you all.
> 
> After the reaction I got from all you beautiful people I was inspired to get chapter 4 out of my head, and onto here.
> 
> Had a very chill Sunday, listening to some amazing music, and getting this down.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading, N


	5. Breakfast?

**Please read the a/n on this one!**

* * *

 

 

 

Max woke early the next morning. She’d gotten used to operating on no sleep. Also Nat was here. And that made her uneasy. It wasn’t an unpleasant uneasy though. She rolled over and looked at Nat, on the fold out bed. They'd both fallen asleep fully dressed, and there had been no romantic encounters. They watched “The Grand Budapest Hotel”. Both of them agreed it reminded them of “The Fantastic Mr. Fox”, so they watched that as well. Max actually caught herself laughing a couple of times.

During a scene at the end, Mr. Fox is riding a motorbike, when he stops, to give a one fisted salute to a wolf. Nat turned at Max and mimicked it, grinning from ear to ear. Max replied by closing her eyes and lowering her head down slowly raising her tattoed right arm, saluting back.

The conversation ebbed and flowed, taking a natural route in and out of more serious topics.

Max had noticed Nat looking at her a few times over the night.

About a quarter to one her parents went to bed. Max hopped out onto the roof for a joint, with Nat close behind. Her parents were kinda rich. Her dad had a good job, and he bought a nice house, with good views.

Max was looking at nothing in particular, just taking the Seattle skyline in. As she slowly planned her head to the right, she noticed Nat staring at her again. Instead of turning away, she made eye contact with her. It was held mutually for a few seconds, before both girls blushed, started smiling and looked away.

Nat rolled over on the fold-out, turning her face towards Max. Her long blonde hair was fanned out on the pillow behind her. Her nose was cute, Max had to admit, but so were her lips. They still had a look of being slightly too pink to not have lipstick on. Max had given her a makeup removing wipe for her panda eyes last night. Part of Nat’s skater-chick look was dark eyes, almost using too much makeup on them. What caught Max’s eye last night was her neck. Nat would flick her hair back, and Max would see the angle of her jaw, her sexy neck and her collar bones.

Max grabbed her weed and built a joint. She had a monster chedache this morning. So wake and bake was a must. She couldn’t be bothered to climb out of the window, instead leaning the top half of herself out. She had to stand on her toes to do it. Damn her mum’s hobbit genes. The joint dead, she pulled herself back in, and caught Nat looking at her again. She hurriedly averted her eyes, going scarlet in the face just as quickly with being caught. Max laughed.

“Checking out my ass Nat?” she giggled. There had been a lot of flirting last night, and Max enjoyed it, so carried straight on with it this morning.

_That week did not happen._

_That week DID NOT happen._

Nat threw her pillow at her giggling too, “I cant help it Max!”, she laughed.

“I don’t mind,” she winked back, “I can’t help the fact that you can't help yourself from undressing me with your eyes!”, she added, sticking her tongue out.

Nat moved off of the fold out up onto Max’s bed. She lent on her left hand, her legs pulled up to the right hand side of her. She pointed her toes as she did this, her shins and the tops of her feet making a continuous curve to her toes. Her _sexy-as-fuck_ baby pink polished toes...

The confliction rose in her again, causing her to cool off, withdraw a bit. She did like flirting with Nat, but she had moments, like this one, where she just felt so broken. That crazy part of her brain that kept rising up. Nat noticed the change and, to her credit, she didn’t say anything. Max felt the air getting heavier, the mood changing, so she dug deep.

_It didn’t happen._

She sat and collected herself for a bit. She thought about a conversation with her dad, it had been one of their standard talks about “her week”. Her dad was listening to her, and she started to talk about how there was two moons in the sky, right before the big Vortex Club party. That was the first time she realised that it did all sound a bit far fetched. Not only time traveling but two moons in the sky.

She had thought of that moment quite a lot recently. It was a “moment of clarity”.

Maybe the pills she’d ben on for the last six months were working. She really did feel better. She was starting to get a grip on what was real.

She had had a mental, possibly psychotic, break.

Chloe was shot in front of her for fucks sake. Seeing that would be enough for anyone to lose it. She missed her so much. She left Chloe alone, a week after her dad died, and never spoke to her again.

_And_

Jefferson kidnapped and abused me.

_Take your pick._

Max was working towards step one of something she read online for loss. Don’t feel guilty for living.

Nats phone buzzed breaking Max from her thoughts. As she reached for it, rolling on the bed dramatically, she bent her knees lifting her feet in the air as she lay on her front, toes pointing at the ceiling.

_Again with the toes and feet Max?_

Nat was typing away when Max’s phone buzzed.

 

**FROM: Becky**

 

**[Did u 2 bang]**  
**[Nat won't say]**  
**[Tell me]**  
**[;-P]**  
**0705**

 

**[ :insert head shaking rolling eyes disappointedly smiley: ]**  
**0706**

 

**[kiss?]**  
**0706**

 

**[piss of dude]**  
**[凸( ° ʖ °)凸]**  
**0707**

 

**[I'll leave u 2 alone!]**  
**0707**

 

**[DUDE]**  
**0707**

 

Nat was grinning at her, “Becky grillling you?”, Max nodded, a smile just tickling the corners of her mouth. She had remembered something.

“Nat, like, stay here, I need to check something,” Max spluttered suddenly, and dashed out of her room. She was back before Nat had had time to check Facebook, and tumblr.

“So my parents are out until at least midnight tonight,” said Max, “They’ve gone to Portland for a work thing. This however leaves my mum’s car here. I have her keys too!”.

Nat looked at her unsure if this was a good idea, or even allowed, she went to open her mouth to speak, but Max said, “I’m allowed to use it. I have my license you know, d’you fancy some breakfast?”

“Sure,” grinned Nat, I need to go home first though, wash up, get changed and stuff.”

“Fuuuuck that! Get a shower here, I have plenty of clothes that’ll fit you. I’ll use my parents en suite, you use the main bathroom. Have a search through the closet, find something you’d like to wear, and I’ll meet you downstairs.”

Max grabbed her black Doc Martens that came half way up her calves, black ripped jeans and some dark purple fish nets to go under them. She grabbed a random white T to go with it. She dumped it all on her parents bed, and jumped in their en suite shower. She dried and got dressed, looking at herself in the mirror. The perfect finishing touch was to roll the sleeves of the T up a few times. Got to flash that ink.

She fished out her pills and popped the correct dose. She hadn’t told Nat about the anti-psychotics she had to take. But she did have to take them. She looked her mirror-self in the eyes and thought. _I am not rebounding from Chloe. None of that happened. Come back to reality Max._ Did she believe that. She _had_ had powers? godamnit.

She got her mums pillow of the bed, held it across her face and screamed “FUUUCK,” as loud as she could before putting it back and heading downstairs.

She waited maybe 20 minutes, well, two cigs, for Nat. She looked fucking amazing coming down the stairs. First her own slightly shorter purple DMs came into view, followed by a lot of leg. Lots. She’d gone for one of Max’s old summer dresses from last year. On Nat it was very short, a good 7 inches above the knee. It was tight around her slim waist and decent bust, showing off her really good body, with a fair amount of cleavage on show too. Her hair was tied up in a high pony, giving Max unobstructed views of her neck.

She walked towards Max, then stopped, grabbing the hem of the dress fanning it wide, she did a little curtsy, crossing her right foot behind her left, tapping the toe of her DM on the floor as she dipped.

“Close your mouth Caulfield,” she joked.

* * *

 

 

Max drove her mum’s car towards the diner she went to with her parents. It was a long way out, so they wouldn’t meet anyone they knew, and she did want to continue to talk with her about what was happening. Max held a reasonable speed, but wanted the drive to last as long as possible.

“Okay Nat,” she said, “It’s question time. You ask me a question and I will answer it as truthfully as I can. Then I ask you a question. Your first question is free, and I will answer it, but if your answer to my question isn’t up to snuff, you don’t get another.”

Max flashed her a look as she drove, “So?”.

“I'm thinking, I’m thinking! I don’t remember hearing anything in the rules about time limits on this,”

Max drove on, and it was another couple of minutes before Nat spoke.

“Do you still love Chloe? Romantically I mean?”

“Nat,” started Max, “I have loved Chloe since I was 5 years old. I will always love her. But the romantic love I have for her, is based on a lie. A subconscious level lie that my brain is telling itself so that I don’t feel more fucked up after abandoning her a week after a dad died,” she shook her head, and continued, “I’m trying to ignore that lie, and see what I actually _have_ , what’s _real_. I might fail in that. I might always _feel_ that the week we shared was real, but really _know_ that it’s not. But, I reckon if I can _know_ what I _have_ , know what's _real_ , and live in that world, then  I’ll be okay.”

“Did that make any sense to you?” she finished.

“That was a lot more answer than I was bargaining for Max. And yes, it made sense. Your turn. Go on, ask away.”

“I’m going to cheat a bit, and make my question a double header, because it works better that way, okay? So. You told me I’m the first girl you like in this way. My questions... are... Are you sure you want a romance, or is it because your just so caring and want to help me that much, ‘cos I'm such a total fuck up?” Max breathed out, “And,” she breathed in, “well, why me?”

Nat looked out of the window for a bit, her head cocked slightly to one side.

“I accept your double header Max. I’m sure I want a romantic relationship with you, and I want to help you. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, I think they’re better together. I want to be with you because you are so intense Max. You have this way of looking Max, like physically looking, your so beautiful, so dreamy when you do that,” she pauses to look out of the window, then looks back grinning, “and... I happened to notice this morning that you have a banging ass,” Max blushes much to Nat’s delight.

After a minute, Max says, “Okay then, Natalie Bridger, you answer was... amazing... perfect, so you have earned another question.”

Nat wastes no time in asking her question, she obviously had it planned, “Can I kiss you soon?”, she asks. Max looks across at her sideways, seeing the flush in Nat’s cheeks, and, oh my god, her neck and chest are flushed too.

“Guess I don’t get a second question,” grins Max.

* * *

 

  
They drive on without speaking for the next twenty minutes or so. There is a good atmosphere to the silence. It’s comfortable for the both of them. Max misses the diner, driving past before pulling a screechy, sketchy, u-turn across the 4 lane, undivided highway. They had a quick joint in the parking lot, before making their way towards the entrance.

They sat in the same booth as Max did with her parents.

The waitress floats over, “Can I fetch either of you two ladies a drink?”, she asked.

“OJ please,” said Max.

The waitress turned to look at Nat, “Make that two please,”, she nodded and went to fix them. She was back less than a minute later, two tall glasses of OJ on a tray. Plopping two coasters on the table, she added the two glasses, nodded, and continued her work.

Making eye contact across the table Max notices just how green Nat’s eyes are. She knew they were green, but _wow._

“Max, I really don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but, why do you feel so guilty about Chloe? I mean none of what happened to her is your fault as far as I can tell,” she maintained the eye contact, continuing, “lots of people relocate for one reason or another, and you were so young, it wasn't like you had any choice to move here.”

Max thought for a second, then answered, “I've told you about Chloe's dad’s accident. What I haven't told anyone, is why Joyce needed to get groceries that day in particular,” Max shifts uncomfortably in her seat, then turns her head to look out of the window, “I knew that I was moving. I knew for weeks, but I couldn’t tell Chloe. Chloe’s mum, Joyce, saw that I wasn’t being myself, and dragged it out of me, we had a tearful conversation about it the evening before. I didn't know how to approach the subject with Chloe. I was terrified of telling my best friend how much i was going to miss her,”.

“Looking back now, I think even then we were crushing on each other a bit. I didn’t know it at the time. We did a lot of totally innocent shit that when I think back on was us both growing up and finding our feelings.”

“This is so confusing for me Nat, I can still remember that week,” Max looked at Nat and went quiet.

“Why does any of that make it your fault though Max? Whatever we are to each other, wherever this thing is going, I want to know everything. Don't be scared to tell me anything,” Nat assured her, “Nothing you can say about your past, right up to when you walked into the skate park, looking edgy as fuck, is gonna put me off you.”

Max waved a dismissive hand at her, “It's not that. It's... its... my actual fault,” she said.

“How Max, I don’t get it at all. How the fuck is it your fault.”

Max looked at her, “You really want to know?” Nat nodded at her.

“Okay, so Joyce is an amazing person Nat,” said Max, “She said leave it with her, she’d make a big meal, and we could all talk about it at the same time. Her, Chloe and William too.”

“William was surprised to hear from Joyce about groceries that day, I was there, I know what he said to her, and how he said it. I'm the reason she bought the groceries. For my farewell meal. I'm the reason William needed to pick her up that day.”

“It's my fault he was in the car, on the road, in front of that truck.”

“I'm the reason that Chloe lost her dad. And then I left her too,”

“If I’d have been there, for those five years, I could have helped her. Kept her grounded. I was scared... and ashamed... I’m responsible for her dad... But the longer I left it the harder and harder it got...”

“Eventually I stopped thinking about her all together...”

Max was trying hard not to cry, this was old pain, pain she thought she had learned to deal with, “And now, now  I'm the reason she's  dead too,”.

“It is not your fault he was hit by that truck Max,” Nat told her softly, “That was a fucking shit thing to happen, but it was not your fault. After you moved to Seattle whatever Chloe was doing with her life was her choice, not as a result of you leaving,”.

“You were both kids, and the whole situation fucked up the both of you. With you carrying that much guilt for William, I'm not surprised you couldn’t talk to her.”

 “Stop torturing yourself Max. Life is shit. For everyone. You did what you had to do to be able to move forward. It's like when a loving couple split up after a child dies. She lost her dad and you. And you lost her and had all that guilt.”

"So you stopped communicating, to avoid the pain.”

They both looked out of the window, the sun was high in the sky, shadows almost directly beneath the objects casting them. The sky was pure blue, not a cloud to see. Max turned her head back towards the table, picked up her OJ and had a sip. A thought formed, and she went to say it, but swallowed it down.

“What was that?”

“Ey?”

“You went to say something but changed your mind,” smiled Nat.

“You could tell?” Max’s face flushed bright red.

“Yep,” grinned Nat, loving the reaction in Max.

“I don’t want to lower the mood, like anymore, or anything, but does this seem a bit quick to you?” Max asks, nervously sipping her OJ, “You and me?”

“Not to me it doesn’t. I've been fawning over you since before you went to hospital.” Max splutters as she's trying to swallow with shock at this, coughing OJ all over the table, causing both girls to jump back in the seats to avoid any splash. Max, blushing fiercely, stayed seated, but looked about for some decent paper towels to tidy up with, ready to jump out of the booth and grab some. As it turned out the waitress noticed, and quickly wiped the table down. She took the moment to ask for their food orders.

Max went for an omelette, whilst Nat ordered pancakes with maple syrup and crushed nuts.

The waitress gone, Max asked “Really? That long?”

Nat grinned at her, and said teasingly, “Six long months I waited for you, and you ditched me in Lakewood Park.”

Max did a double face palm.

Their food arrived and they got stuck in, munching away in silence. Halfway through her omelette Max pointed her fork at Nat, “Okay, for you it’s not too quick, but for me this is all breaking news,” she lowers the fork, putting both hand on the table as she takes on a Ron Burgundy tone of voice, “Gorgeous girl falls for messed up, self harming indie-punk, who can’t tell the difference between fantasy and reality. How will it all end?”.

Nat reaches over and puts her hands on Max’s, “This is real Max,”.

Max blushes again, and Nat loves the burst of colour in her cheeks, grinning back at her.

They finish their food, and have a coffee each. Getting ready to leave, Max motions to the waitress for the bill. She pays it with her credit card. They get up  and the waitress approaches smiling.

“See now girls, me and cook have been watching you two and i wanna say we think you two are awful cute with each other,” both girls blush, “I knew it, I knew it.” She grins excitedly, “Well I'm real glad you chose to come here on a date, you’ve brightened the place up considerably today,” A date? Max hadn’t really thought about it, and the look on her face must have been obvious, “OH! It’s your actual first date! Isn’t it?”, she grins at Max, then nudging Nat with her elbow says in a mock whisper, “I don’t think she knew honey!”

Max feels like she could literally throw herself through the plate glass window.

“Anyway,” she says directly to Nat, “Would you like me to take a photo of the two of you here? For your facebook?”

“That’d be great,” grins Nat as she unlocks her phone, gets the camera app going and passes it to the waitress. She moves over and stands close to Max, bodies touching, and as the waitress goes to take the photo, she squeezes Max's ass. Max jumps about three feet in the air, before turning and giving Nat a playful scowl.

The waitress shows them the picture, the look frozen on Max’s face is one of out right terror, and both her feet are off the ground. The playful snarl on Nat’s face causes both girls and her to laugh.

“Okay, How about a proper one now,” laughs the waitress. They get back in the same position, and the photo is taken. It turns out really nice, and Nat insta-posts it to all her social networks.

Nat excuses herself for a minute to use the restroom, leaving a sheepish Max stood on her own. She shuffles her feet before noticing the waitress level a stern look in her direction. Her face cracks into a grin.

“She is fucking gorgeous! And killing that dress! You two are going to have some fun for sure!,”

* * *

 

  
Leaning on the cars fender, Max enjoys the sun on her face, and her cig. She closes her eyes.

“You good?” chirps Nat, Max opens her eyes to look at her.

“I haven't felt this good in a long time Nat,” Nat smiles back at her, “I’m trying to figure out if it’s the weed, the food or the sun on my face,” Nat pulls a sad face at her, so Max plays along, “What's the matter? Have I forgotten something that might be making me happy, uh, ish, right now?”.

Nat moves towards her, and puts her hands on Max sides. She is very slightly taller than Max, not by enough to make her look down though. She locks eyes with Max, and starts to move slowly closer. Max has stopped breathing, she feels frozen stiff. Max feels Nat’s breasts just touch her, before she spins away giggling.

Max takes a big drag on her cig. Holy shit.

She flicks the butt away, and hops into the car. Nat joining her. Turning left out of the lot, she heads towards home.

Nat starts fiddling with the radio, flick stations to find a good song. She hovers on one station for a second before moving on. The song has a strong brassy rhythm, with pounding drums. Max slaps the back of her hand and getting her own hand on the radio turns the station back.

“You obviously like it,” she side grins at Nat, “But, if I were to tell you that despite my looks I quite like All of the Lights by Kanye West, would you think less of me?”

Max cranks the volume, and Nat starts wiggling in her seat, dancing along to it. Nat starts singing to the chorus, looking at Max and moving suggestively to the lyrics. For the second time this morning Nat looks at her and says, “Close your mouth Caulfield!”

Max grins and bobs her head admitting defeat.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **From the start of this I had an idea in mind. I wanted to write something fresh for the fandom.**
> 
> **That idea was for Max to get psychiatric treatment for a "Mental Break". She believes in the judgement of her doctors. In the logical explanation. Who wouldn't?**
> 
> **That also left open an angle for a new ship, Bridgefield.**
> 
> **Bridgefield is a _thing_ in my AU. It follows that since there was no "Chloe Week" Max would be attracted to other girls.**
> 
> **I gave a lot of thought to how long Max would take for that to happen, and at 9 months since "Chloe Week" I think that's acceptable.**
> 
> **(After all, Rachel Amber had been missing for 6 months when Max came back and we all know where that went.)**
> 
> ****I know it says Pricefield in the tags, don't worry, stick with me, and we'll get there together.** **
> 
> **Big things are coming.**
> 
> **Thanks for reading, N**
> 
> * * *
> 
> **P.S Hit that kudos if you haven't already, or leave a comment, because them good vibes keep me going!**


	6. What goes up.

Max and Nat small talked at first, Nat described her college, why she stayed in Seattle instead of going away. Max answered questions abiut the hospital, and what she wanted to do now. She really wanted to pick up her camera again. The conversation inevitably swung around to their parents, how they would react.

Max felt really uncomfortable at the idea of telling her parents that she liked Nat. She felt even more uncomfortable at the idea of meeting Nat’s parents. Of them knowing. What would she say to them. How should she dress. What would they ask her. They will hate her. Even without knowing about her breakdown, they were going to hate her. They will be heart broken about there beautiful blonde daughter going gay with her. It would be her fault again. Tattoo’d, emo haired lesbian. Max heart was pounding so fast she felt sick. She was having trouble breathing. She was gulping down panicked little breaths. They are going to blame you for corrupting their daughter. It felt like the air in the car had been replaced with water. She could feel the pressure of it. Crushing her. She couldn’t breathe.

She swerved the car over onto the shoulder, and stopped. Throwing the door open Max jumped out of the seat and ran towards the trees. It was a struggle between the tall conifers, ferns and fallen branches made it hard going under foot, but she had to get away. The further Max ran, from everything, the better she felt. Her legs were screaming with the effort but she had to keep going.

Max tripped and slipped her way on and the forest began to thin out as she came to a wide, fast flowing, river. Coming to a stop Max buried her face in her hands. She turned her head upwards, and dragged her hands down. Spinning in circles looking up at the sky getting totally disoriented, she fell onto her knees on the soft floor.

As she knelt there, her hands covering her face,  her breathing slowed. Her heart slowed, and she felt the panic pass. Anxiety had been an issue for along time, stemming from her guilt over William, but this was the first attack in some time. It was something Max thought was under control. Another trigger on her anxiety was not what Max needed right now.

She shifted about to sit cross legged on the ferns. The back of her jeans were wet through. Her phone buzzed. Max dug through her messenger bag finding a joint, ignoring the phone. Smoking it lazily, she closed her eyes, letting the sounds and smells of the forest wash over her. Her phoned buzzed and buzzed but she ignored it. Max felt really high, and floaty and revelled in it, her head slowly swaying.

She put her messenger bag behind her head and laid back. All of this was too much too fast. Definitely. Nat was lovely. Max was into flirting with her, but was not ready for parents, either set, to know anything. She was not ready to be close to Nat either. The fear when Nat teased her in the parking lot had frozen her solid. The thought terrified her, and Max tried to push it away. Her phone was now buzzing in the pattern of an incoming call. It stopped.

She looked through her bag for another joint, and realised the last of the pre rolls had just been smoked. She rolled at her eyes at the thought of making one but resigned herself to it. Awkwardly balancing her skins on one knee, she ground some weed and loaded it. It was a lot of weed but she added some ciggy to the mix. She liked some tobacco in her joints so to avoid coughing as much, and for the nicotine, so it was a fat thing when she finished. It smoked well though. And really hit the spot.

Her phone started to buzz again. It buzzed on and on. The call went to her answer phone. Straight away it buzzed again. It was obviously Nat calling her. She didn’t want to talk to anyone now. She was having a hard time maintaining herself.

The phone started buzzing again, so Max fished it out and slid>> to answer.

“Max oh my god Max! Are you okay? I’m so fucking scared Max! What's the matter? Please come back to the car... Max? Hello?” she did sound scared.

“Nat.”

“Yes Max what is it? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Great. I just want to go home.”

She wanted to go home and get absolutely wasted, and shut everything out.

“What? Your fine?” Nat said a little incredulously, you run off into the woods,  don’t come back, and say your great? Max, please, what's the matter.”

“Nothing,” she lied, “ I’m going to start hiking back now. Beep the horn every now and then so I can follow it to the car.”

“Okay.”

Max hung up, and set off. She walked for a good 10 minutes until she came to the road. She couldn’t hear the horn. Realising she had hit the road either side of the car, she guessed and turned right.

“Fuck it.”

The road was getting busier. But it was safe to walk alongside it. The grass was firm and dry. After walking another ten minutes she decided she should have turned left, and text Nat.

 

 

 **[missed car]**  
**[drive towards seattle]**  
**[you'll see me]**  
**1455**

 **[okay]**  
**1455**

 

Max stood by the road and about two minutes later her mums little bmw 1 series appeared, a distraught Nat behind the wheel. She pulled over and before she had the chance to get out, Max got in the passenger side.

“You drive Nat, I’m too stoned.”

Nat indicated and blended into the busying traffic. Neither of them spoke, and the radio wasn’t on. The silence had a weight to it.

“Listen, Nat,” said Max, “I've really enjoyed being with you, but I think this has all been a bit much for me. My heads all over the place. I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up. If you drive to your place, I’ll be okay from there.”

“Your not a fuck up Max,” said Nat, “Will you be okay on your own? I mean do you want company?”

“No I just want to be alone for a bit. Process.”

Even though the worst of the panic had passed, Max kept going back to the things she had said to Nat earlier. William’s death. Chloe’s death. Both of those things made her feel hollow inside when she thought of them. In her minds eye she could see Chloe in front of her. Dead in a bathroom. She hadn’t spoken to her for five years. For a little bit over the last month of that she had been in Arcadia Bay and still didn’t look for her. That month could have saved her. Even without powers,  Max thought just being with Chloe would have kept her out of the worst of everything that went down. She turned slightly in her seat, and was looking out of the passenger window to hide her tears from Nat. The air in the car was far too loaded to say anything now.

The silence was hurting her, and at the same time protecting her.

Max had a rough idea of where Nat lived, the opposite side of the park from her, so when they pulled up at Nat's house she knew how to get home.

“So is that it? I’m supposed to get out without you saying anything?”

Max wiped her face with her hand, and turned to look at her, “I’m sorry, What? What exactly am I supposed to say?” Max said bitterly, on the brink of tears, “I feel really fucked up right now. I’m up and down like a fucking yo-yo. I don’t feel like answering any questions. I want to go and get smashed. What? did you think you fixed me because of one sleepover and some breakfast?”

“Max! No! I did...”

“Nat I’m fucked up,” she said again, her eyes were full, but no tears were flowing, “Broken. I’m not a good friend. I’m scared of what's going to happen, and I will dump you, like I abandoned Chloe, like I ignored Kate.”

“You didn't do...”

Max was staring out of the windshield, but seeing nothing, “I did Nat. Things get difficult and I bail. Watch me. Chloe will always be dead because of me. I abandoned her, she died. Fact.”

“It’s not your...”

“Fault,” aped Max, “How many times have I heard that!”

“So you want me to just get out?” asked Nat, shell-shocked. Max didn’t the other girl to feel bad, but she needed to go.

Finally she looked Nat in the eyes, “Yes,” she said. Deadpan.

Nat looked at Max then opened the door and got out. As She turned to walk up to her door, Max slid across the seats, and pulled away.

* * *

 

 

Bottle of red wine in one hand, joint in the other, Max sat on the roof. She was  glugging the wine straight from the bottle, and she’d already drunk almost half of it. The alcohol and THC were mixing a little too well, Max was well on the way to being blitzed. Her joint went out a half dozen times before Max gave up on it, saying, “Fuck it,” and flicking it away. She felt so hollow inside. As soon as Max had gotten home, she took the bottle of the wine from the kitchen and went upstairs. Hers was genuinely a world of shit. And now it was fucked with Nat. She was racked with self-doubt about the way they parted earlier, but at least this way it was over now.

Climbing back into her bedroom was considerably more difficult than when she climbed out. Her left leg and body through, her right foot caught the window sill, and bottle of wine in hand, she toppled forwards. Putting her empty left hand out instinctively she landed heavily, her face hitting the rug.

Max rolled onto her back, “Arrrrgh.”

She lay there, her eyes closed for a bit, thinking about Chloe. Half unconscious with alcohol and weed, the memories of that week came back to her. She started to cry. She still wanted it to have happened. She could feel everything. It was so real. Every detail of a week that never happened was clear and bright in her mind. The other week, her parents week, she had no memories of.

 “What the fuck is wrong with me?”, she cried to herself. Crawling face down onto the bed, Max buried her face in the pillows, and sobbed, “Chloe... Nat...”

She cried herself to sleep.

* * *

 

 

The cold woke her up. Max had passed out with the window open, allowing cool night air in. She felt sick. Moving her head a fraction made her need to throw up. Max launched herself at the waste paper can just in time. Emptying her stomach made her feel a bit better. Trying to clear her head Max reached for her cigs, lighting one. Sat on the floor, legs straight out in front of her and leant against the bed, Max finished her ciggy.

Where was her phone? She sat up on the bed, her head swimming and rolling on her shoulders, straining to open her eyes she looked about for it.

“There you arrrre,” she slurred reaching for it on her night stand. Now that Max had her phone, she didn’t know what to do with it. She wanted someone to talk too. But had no one. No, she did have her parents, and Allie she supposed.

 

  
**TO: Allie**  
**[Im  a mess]**  
**[no one else to text]**  
**0235**

 

It was later than Max realised. Oops. Drunk texting really is a thing then. Her parents must have just assumed she was asleep when they got in. Max was surprised when her phone buzzed so quickly.

 

 **[You are not alone Max]**  
**[Go to your parents]**  
**0238**

 

 **[cnt tk to them bout this]**  
**[and am rly drunk]**  
**0240**

 

 **[Come see me tomorrow]**  
**0245**

 

 **[tnx]**  
**0245**

* * *

 

  
Max sat in the waiting room. As waiting rooms went, it was actually really nice. It didn’t feel old, like some can. It didn’t have that stark, sterile feel either. It was a nice place, hard to describe. She liked it which was lucky, considering she’d been here every other day for the past three weeks. There was a bookshelf on one wall, with Space Needle bookends holding in some magazines and a pot plant. Two large prints of photos were on adjacent walls opposite the rooms two doors. One of those doors, the one Max entered through, lead back to the downtown building which was split up into several self contained units, like the one she was in. The other door lead to Allie Voss’ office. A little flash of self doubt washed across Max. But she pushed it down.

The anxiety attack in the car had been the first of several since then. Talking with Allie helped her deal with them. She had some old methods from her first days in Seattle, and Allie said that if they worked they were probably still the best methods to use.

Allie wouldn’t see her as a patient. She said that she thought Max would benefit more from her a being a friend, than her doctor. Her advice was the same whichever, but Max did like having her as a friend. Lunches were ideal for a quick chat.

Max had been waiting for a while, it wasn’t that Allie was running late, Max was early, as normal. Being late was something else to panic over. Allie stepped out and locked the door. Allie’s office had a second door to exit through, so that when leaving, her patients would not have to walk past any body waiting.

It was early September and Max had dressed today in tan Caterpillar boots, black jeans and a bright red hoodie, under a short black leather jacket. They walked down the hall, and waited for the elevator.  Allie made pleasant small talk, asking how Max’s parents were. She didn’t like to talk about anything personal in her building, apart from in her office. Too many listening ears Allie had said.

The elevator doors slid open and they stepped in. There was an older looking man already in the car, he smiled at them warmly. Max saw him looking at her hair.

Allie’s office was on the third story, so the ride wasn’t long, and then passed the security desk, Allie waving at the guard, and into the street.

“Walk and talk?” Allie asked Max, who nodded back.

Normally Max would then tell Allie about her most recent attack, and Allie would tell her how most of what she was panicking about would never happen.

“Max we need to talk about Nat. Your most recent attacks have been about her. Just talk to her.”

“We have been talking about her.”

“No we talk about your attacks mostly. Not her.”

“I don’t really want to,” said Max.

“But you need to. This is just you and me. So spill.”

They walked for a bit, before Max started to speak, “Me and Nat are like, we’re not...  I mean... we flirted. We flirted like crazy... and she's so hot, and... and she’s into me... I think... Well she was...” Max took a breath and swallowed. 

“And yeah... of course I like her too, but after the first attack I... backed right off. We still text, not as much, not as... flirty, and I haven't seen her.”

“I want to, you know, talk, and see her. Whenever I try though, or even just think about it. I feel myself start to panic that it's too late already. She hates me already.”

They stopped waiting for the pedestrian light to change, and Max whipped out her smartphone, showing Allie the picture from the diner, “That was three weeks ago,” she said pocketing her phone. This was the first time Max hadd shown Allie the picture.

Allie pointed across the street to a burger van, sitting right outside a little green area, “Lunch.”

They walked over grabbed a hot dog and can of drink each, and sat on a bench in the park. Allie ate her ‘dog in four big mouthfuls. Then popped her drink, and drained a good half of the can in one hit.

“I’m fucking it up Allie,” she looked at her feet again, “No, I’ve fucked it up. With Nat. I've already managed to abandon her too.”

“Max, everyone is nervous when it comes to a new relationship.”

“No it’s more than that Allie. I don't think I can talk to her like before. The last three weeks are a massive hill I can't get back over.”

Max could feel her anxiety rising because of talking about it, so she lit a cig, pulling hard on it.

“Have you told her how you feel?” asked Allie.

“Noooo.” Said Max drawing the word out and exhaling smoke at the same time.

“Well ,my advice to you, not as a doctor, but as your friend, is to tell her how you feel, and why your scared. You obviously rate her highly, and I'm sure she's deserving of that.  She will make her own mind up. Give her a chance to prove you wrong.

Whatever your thinking shes going to do, she probably won't.”

“It’s not just her, what about our parents?”

“I know your parents Max. They’d be fine with it, they know about your sexuality.”

“Yeah but do they? Really? They know I fell for Chloe, in my fucking dreams, and somehow got changed into this mess. But I haven't done anything in the real world yet. I’m pretty sure my mum thinks it’s an imaginary phase.”

“And thinking about what Nat's parents will say gave me a monster attack, so i won't be doing that any time soon.”

“Don’t worry about that Max. You need to be yourself. Apparently Nat thinks your pretty great as is. Leave Nat's parents to Nat.”

“Hmmm, yeah. Or am I a special project. Fix the broken girl.”

“I doubt that Max.”

“So why hasn’t she text me then?”

“Have you text her?”

“Touché,” said Max, “I'm super shit with people.”

“No Max, your scared,” Allie told her, “and when your scared you clam up, and your panic goes through the roof. Truth be told it’s not her your scared of Max.”

“Your still the same shy girl you’ve always been. You may have grown an emotional scab over it, got yourself a tattoo shield, but it’s still there, and this kind of situation is a trigger for your anxiety.”

“Great. I’m such a fuck up,” Max sighed.

“Oh Max, your not a fuck up. Everybody needs help from time to time. It just so happens to be your time now. So let those who want to help you, help you.”

“You think so huh?”, said Max.

They sat quietly for a bit, Allie giving Max time to think.

“So Max,” said Allie, looking at her watch, “I hate to do this, again, but my lunch is nearly over. I’ve got an appointment in fifteen minutes, are you okay getting home from here? Or are you going to come back to my office?”

“I’m gonna chill here for a bit I think.”

The park was a nice place to be. A little calm zone, in an otherwise busy city. It was nice to sit and watch the hectic world outside the park.

Allie got up to leave, and said “Keep in contact Max,”.

* * *

 

 

 

  **TO: Nat**

**[just got called stupid]**  
**[i thnk]**  
**[by my therapist]**  
**1255**

 

Max switched her phone screen off, and lit a cig, watching the city around the park. Seattle was so different to Arcadia. Even after all the shit that Arcadia Bay threw at her, it was her home town. She loved it’s small town vibe. Max liked Seattle too, mind you. This was her city. She felt surrounded by life. Max’s choice in jacket proved to be a good one, as, unsurprisingly for Seattle, it started to rain. Max knew Seattle okay, but after checking for local POIs on her phone, was surprised how close the Seattle Art Museum was.

She slipped her ear buds in and set her phone to play random tracks. The streetcar would have been easier, and drier, but she liked to walk. Hood up, music playing, she walked through the city. Nobody paid her any attention, and Max was glad for that. Being anonymous had its advantages. She caught site of her reflection in a drug store window, it almost looked like she was normal.

She felt her anxiety flaring up again. Max had the strongest feeling someone was going to point at her, expose her. “She's not one of us,” they'd say pointing, “look at her, she abandoned her friend.”

Max tried to calm down, she concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. The museum wasn’t far, and she could duck into a bathroom, and hide in a stall until the worst passes.

“You might as well have pulled the trigger your self,” the voice sounded so real in her head, Max looked around to see who said it.

Max started to rush, around the corner and there was the entrance. She felt terrible, her chest had the familiar tightening feeling. Up the stairs, and in. She paid for a ticket, and asked where the bathrooms were.

“They are just over there,” the man behind the desk said.

Max scurried over and entered the first booth inside, closing the door behind her. She kicked the lid town and sat. Sitting still was difficult, Max couldn’t help but rock back and forth. She concentrated on her breathing, trying to slow it down. Her mind started to race again, but Max smothered it down. In. Out. In. Out.

Slowly her attack started to pass, and she cried silently, sat on the bowl. She felt very alone. Exposed. Max took her time, and waited for two people to use the facilities, before she felt ready to look around.

It was an amazing place. One exhibit was of the capillary system of a huge oak tree. It was hung from the beams im the high ceiling. Visitors were encouraged to walk underneath, and around it on walkways set up to get you up to eye level with it. Some kind of polymer had been drawn into the tree, Max didn’t know how. Once the polymer had set, they used a chemical to dissolve the wood of the tree leaving just the polymer. Thin veins snaked everywhere, with thicker fingers weaving about, here and there great knots of them were visible. It saddened Max a bit.

There was a little comparison piece on one wall of a human brainstem and its similarities. It was very interesting, and she read the whole article. Turning around from reading Max noticed a young boy staring up at it, reaching into her messenger bag Max pulled out her polaroid camera, left the flash off, and clicked the button.

She flicked the photo as it developed. A very satisfying feeling. With the exhibit lit, it was very bright, like it was lit from within, it seemed to float above the boy, who stared up at it, wide eyed and mouth open. The low angle used had the exhibit filling most of the frame. The contrast of the darkness surrounding the boy's legs, and the rest of the room, to the exhibit was beautiful. Max liked it a lot. She was now glad she came, despite her attack.

Max started to make her way towards the exit. That was enough for today. Much needed chill in her bedroom time was overdue. Hide away for a bit. Avoid all the eyes. She walked, much more calmly this time, across the entrance hall, and into the street. It was still raining, which meant hiding under her hoodie would be easy. Getting her bearings quickly, she walked towards the streetcar stop which would take her to the bus home.

* * *

 

 

Max listened to her music, and watched the buildings get shorter as the bus drove out of the city. She hadn't put her hood down, and was in a window seat. Being on a bus, when it's raining outside is strangely nice she thought. Her phone buzzed.

 

**FROM: Nat**

**[...]**  
**1420**

  
**[hi]**  
**[(⁎︺︹︺⁎)]**  
**1421**

  
**[I wnt to ask hw u r]**  
**[bt i dnt thnk u wnt me 2 no]**  
**1422**

  
**[Been goin thru bad shit]**  
**[Nt ur fault]**  
**[Sorry]**  
**1424**

  
**[Im nt good at talking]**  
**1428**

  
**[FUCK I h8 this shit]**  
**1435**

  
**[So why bother?]**  
**1436**

  
**[cos wanna talk 2 u]**  
**[more thn I hate it]**  
**1436**

 

The bus was getting close the Max stop, so she put her phone away. Max hit the buzzer, and made her way to the doors. The stop was about a 10 minute walk from her house. It was outside her local shops, a drug store, a liquor store and a florist. Max popped into the drug store and bought some jet black, and bright red hair dyes. Home was close, so she delayed sending another message to give her enough time to get in, and up to her room. Max assembled her dyes on the desk. Looking at them she had a thought.

"Fuck it."

  
**[Pls Nat]**  
**[I'm rly sorry]**  
**[I told u I'm a shit friend]**  
**1455**

  
**[MAX]**  
**[Y R U TEXIN ME?]**  
**1456**

  
**[pls Nat]**  
**[I'm rly rly sry]**  
**[come to my house]**  
**[let me explain]**  
**1501**

  
**[Also r u ne gd with hair dye]**  
**1506**

  
She wasn't going to give up this time. She was shitting herself. But Allie was right, Nat was worth the pain.

 

 **[u want me 2 dye ur hair]**  
**[rly?]**  
**1507**

  
**[and ill explain]**  
**[evrthng]**  
**1508**

 

  
**[OK]**  
**[i will come from college]**  
**[finish soon]**  
**1510**

  
**[YASSSSS]**  
**1510**

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Cliff hanger!**
> 
> * * *
> 
> Wow. That was a hard chapter to write. Max and me share some anxiety issues it seems.  
> I wrote, re-wrote, scrapped, and re-wrote it again, but eventually I am satisfied with it.  
> Building Max up, to knock her down again is cruel, but it's how this thing works in my experience.
> 
> Time line wise we are now 3 weeks, or so, from Chloe's anniversary.  
> Which will start the main story arc.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading, N.
> 
> * * *
> 
> edit: See up there, where I put "satisfied"? Well I wasn't. I re-read it in bed, and decided it needed polishing, it actually kept me awake. I was out of bed at 6am to do my tweaks. Ironic how a chapter on Max's anxiety would trigger my own.


	7. Timing

Max was incredibly nervous as she waited for Nat. It was important for Max that this went well. She got changed into an old T and sweat pants. The clothing carnage that had been her last dye job was still fresh. Thinking about it now, it would have been a good idea to keep her ruined clothes, to use again. Oh well. Live and learn.

Max went downstairs and made some fresh coffee. She deliberately avoided smoking a joint, much as she wanted to, because  Nat deserved her sober, to explain herself properly. The clock on the wall ticked over to ten to four, and Max heard a little tap on the door.

Max had a second or two of doubt. If she just sat there, and didn’t move, then that would be it. Nat would not listen to her again. At the second tap on the door, Max jumped up, and all but ran to it. Stopping with her hand on the catch, Max composed herself, then opened it.

Nat was wearing Ugg boots, black leggings and a huge loose knit woollen turtle neck jumper. Her hair was down, “Come in, come in!”, said Max, “Get out of the rain!”

Nat said “Thanks,”, and eyed her suspiciously as she passed. It was only to be expected thought Max. Nat had no clue what mood she was going to be in.

Max followed her up the hall, “Go into the kitchen Nat, I’ve made us coffee,” they walked in and stood by the counter. Max had black with no sugar, where Nat wanted some cream and two sugars. They both sipped for a bit.

“I’m glad you came Nat. I’ve been going out of mind worrying about, well, everything...” she faded off, but snapped out of it, looking Nat in the eyes, “And I owe you, you deserve, more from me.”

Nat’s face softened a touch, “Yeah, Max, look, I know you going through real shit right now. I’m not going to say I understand, because I don’t, but I know your hurting,” she sipped her coffee again.

“My anxiety has been hammering me Nat. It is now talking to you,” Max swallowed, “I haven't been able to deal with anything the last couple of weeks. I cant count how many times I went to text you, then didn’t.”

“Me too Max,” said Nat, “I didn't know what to do.”

The room went quiet again, both girls thinking about it. Nat looked at Max, worried that if she said something wrong that Max would flare up again.

“I’m not trying to fix you Max,” Nat said, that had hurt her Max thought who scrunched her face hearing it, “oh fuck! How do I say this?”

Max was a little concerned where this was going.

“I really like being with you. I do. But I was going to quick for you. I thought you wanted it too. It’s obvious now that I’m more into you, than you are into me,” Max was shaking her head at her, hanging on every word, dreading the conclusion, “I feel strongly about you Max, and that's why...”

Max leant in and kissed her gently on the lips.

It was over in a second. Max bit her bottom lip and looked away as soon as she broke the connection. Nat stood wide eyed. Again both girls didn’t speak, taking the silence as a chance to drink their coffees.

Eventually Nat said, “So, I think there is some hair-dye somewhere?”

Max gave her a shy grin.

* * *

 

Max hair did need work. The buzz cut portion was getting long, and it just looked scruffy all over. Nat suggested that she should raise the buzz-cut higher, to make use of a natural parting in Max’s hair. Max was down for it.

A plastic lawn chair was brought in, and placed on top of a towel to catch the clipings. Max sat in the chair, and let Nat fuss around her. She wet and combed Max’s hair over her head.

Getting your hair cut like this is very intimate Max thought. She could feel the heat of Nats body when she leaned in close. Having the other girls fingers run through her hair felt so good.

After shaving the side, Nat walked around her, looking at how her hair laid on her head.

“Max, can I give you a cut too? Put some style into it?”

Max didn't even have to think about it. “Sure, do it.”

Nat buzzed further around the back of her head, then tapered the length of the combed over section, from long at the front to short at the back where it met the buzz. She tidied it up, then stepped back again looking.

“Wow Max. That suits you face so well. You look so beautiful.”

Max blushed fiercely, “Time to dye,” she said.

“What?” said Nat, misunderstanding.

“No, no, no! Not what you thought Nat,” Max giggled a little. “It’s a line from a film I used to watch with Chloe. Bladerunner. Have you seen it?” Nat shook her head, still a little worried.

“Long story short,” said Max, “Illegal androids are on earth, but they have a built in off switch, which is set to a specific date. When the leader of the androids dies at the end, he gives Harrison Ford this amazing speech, then says ‘Time to die’, as in d, i, e. Then he's gone.”

“I meant it as d, y, e. My pun game is weak.”

Nat looked at her, “Maybe avoid the ‘dye stroke die’ puns for a while Max,” she said.

Max nodded, “How about some Princess Bride puns instead then?”

“I love Princess Bride,” gushed Nat.

“As you wish,” Max said with a wink.

They tidied the kitchen, and moved to the upstairs bathroom. Max knelt over the bath and let Nat wash her hair. It felt fucking amazing. She didn’t want her to stop. Once Nat was happy all the little bits from the clippers had gone, she got the black hair dye, and worked it right through Max hair.

Max did not want her to stop rubbing the buzzed section of head. She would have purred if she could. They cleaned up again, then sat in Max room, giving the dye enough time. Max took the opportunity to make a joint, and they both shared it on the roof. It was lovely and chilled. No pressure from either of them.

“I’m so glad you came today Nat,” Max managed to say.

“So am I Max,” Nat said looking at her. Nat's phone pinged and it was time for another stint in the bathroom. Max leant over the bath again, letting Nat wash all the black out of her hair. Watching the black water swirl down the plug was oddly satisfying. The red Nat decided, was only going on the longest portion of the comb-over. A strip perhaps three inches wide at most running from root to tip. Max enjoyed having Nat stood in front of her, her chest close to her face. Proximity without any pressure.

Soon though it was finished. Nat went the whole hog, blow drying Max’s hair as well. Max was stunned when she looked in the mirror, it was such a change. She loved it.

They sat in the bedroom together. Max lit a ciggy, and spoke whilst exhaling the smoke. She liked doing that.

“The way we’ve been with each other today Nat, is it enough for you?”

Nat carefully thought about what she was going to say, “What are you scared of Max?” she said.

Max coughed, “Everything.”

“Does that include me?”

“I’m not scared of you, no. But I’m terrified of your parents.”

“You haven't even met them!” said Nat, a bit aghast.

“They’re gonna hate me.”

“Oh god, why do you think that?”

“Because... like... gay, hair, tattoo. Hello!”

“Max we don’t have to tell anyone anything. This is between you and me. I love my parents, but I don’t care what they might think about you. I want what I want.”

The sun had swung around and was beaming through Max window. Nat was sat in front of it, and the light shone through her hair.

“Stay right there,” said Max, “Do. Not. Move.”

Max grabbed her polaroid, and moved about to find the right position. She wanted the sun lined up behind Nat’s head just right. Her hair looked like it was on fire. Max hit the shutter button, and flicked the developing picture.

“Hey Max,” said Nat, “When you take a photo it’s like your butterfly comes alive.”

Max looked at the blue tattoo on her hand.

“When you hit the shutter, it kind of pulsed,” Nat explained, “and flicking it was like it was flying.”

They went downstairs for another coffee, and Ryan came in.

“I smell fresh coffee!”, he said from the hall.

“In here dad,” Max called out.

Ryan's eyes widened when he saw Max freshly styled hair, “Your hair looks great Max!” he grinned at her, then he noticed Nat by the island, “Oh hiya Nat, your handy work?” he asked nodding at Max.

“You don't mind do you Mr. Caulfield?” she asked.

“Ryan,” he said to her, “Mr. Caulfield is my father,” Max rolled her eyes at his joke, “And god no. It looks amazing, it suits her. Are you staying for dinner Nat?”

“I hadn’t thought much beyond dyeing Max’s hair,” she looked at Max, who was nodding at her behind Ryan's back, “It seems like Max wants me too,” Max blushed at this being said, “So, yes, please.”

“Vanessa,” he looked at Nat when he said Max’s mom’s name, “will be home soon, so go watch a movie or something and we’ll shout when it’s ready.”

Both girls went back upstairs, to do as he suggested. They watched a film called Lucy, a strange hypnotic film about a girl who ODs on a new drug. Leading her to develop huge intelligence, and ultimately powers. She stops time in one scene, it was a painful reminder of Max trying to save Kate.

* * *

 

Vanessa made lasagne for dinner. The girls scoffed it down, having the munchies. Vanessa agreed with Ryan that Max’s hair looked really good.

 “Do you think I’d suit a bit of colour like that Ryan?”

“’Ness honey, you’d suit anything,” he said.

“Awwww,” said Nat, lightly kicking Max under the table. Max rolled her eyes dramatically and they all laughed.

Dessert was store bought apple pie and custard. They all ate until they were full.

“Max,” said Ryan, once the table had been cleared and coffees served, “there is something we need to talk about.”

“Your mum and I have been keeping something from you for a couple of weeks,” Max started to panic. Nat saw the change in her friend, and held onto her hand under the table. Max looked at it and didn’t pull away. It was comforting to know that Nat was there for her.

“We were contacted by lawyers a couple of weeks back,” he scratched at his beard, “About Nathan Prescott and Mark Jefferson,” there was poison in his voice as he spoke.

“Do you know about this Nat? Properly I mean. All the Blackwell shit?”

“I do, yes.” Nat responded. “Max told me some, and then when she was, away, I researched online. I saw you sprinkle the reporters as well.”

“Yeah, I noticed that was online.”

“Wait Ryan, that's online?” said Vanessa shocked.

“Honey,” he said, smiling at her, “Everything's online. Keep up to speed.”

He looked at the girls “Her google-foo is weak.”

“Dad please stop with the lame jokes,” Max cringed, “Lawyers?”.

“Oh yeah, so, they wanted you to be a witness Max, but I told them too fuck right off.”

“Ryan, language,” Vanessa said.

He flicked his eyes skywards briefly, “Sorry, so anyway, I told them to fuck right off,” he laughed whilst Vanessa closed her eyes, “They had a pre-trial hearing. Jefferson went guilty. He’s going away for life probably. Prescott however claimed he was defending himself, that Chloe was blackmailing him.”

“She was,” Max said, “I heard as much myself in the bathroom.”

This was a confusing conversation for Max, because she could remember Chloe telling her how he drugged and probably raped her.

“But I also know that he was the only fucker with a gun in that bathroom.”

Ryan spoke again, “Don’t worry, he’s going away too, for the murder of Rachel Amber. It’s just the prosecution have decided not to chase him for Chloe.”

Max felt sick. She started crying. Poor Chloe.

“Even after she’s dead people still don’t have her back. I want to do it. I want to tell them what I heard. I won’t let Chloe down again.”

Ryan looked at her.

“I thought you might say that,” he said, “With all your own problems, I knew you’d want too.”

He looked at Vanessa, “So since yesterday I’ve been keeping something from you too ‘Ness,” he looked back to Max.

“So I contacted the lawyers again. I told them that if they could assure me of no court room time,” he studied Max expressions, “that a sworn deposition in front of a judge would be enough,” a brief pause, “and, of course if you wanted to do it, then maybe we could set something up.”

“Ryan...” Vanessa started, but he cut her off with a raised hand.

“They agreed. So we’re having this conversation, as adults,” he said more to Vanessa than Max.

Max got up and walked round the table to hug him. She cried on his shoulder, and said “Thanks dad, I love you.”

Ryan kissed her on the forehead.

“I love you too.”

He started to cry, “I didn’t want to let her down again either.”

Max hugged him tighter.

Ryan stopped crying, and started to laugh at himself, “Now that's out of the way, your mum and I are going to do the dishes, so you two hop it.”

As they all stood up, he added quietly to Max, nodding at Vanessa, “I’ve got some explaining to do.”

* * *

 

As soon as Max got into her bedroom, she started to cry. She turned to Nat, the hug came naturally to her. She put her hands under Nats arms, and bent her arms up so she could put her hands on Nat's shoulders. Nat put her arms around Max’s back.

They held each other for a minute before Nat said, “So dinner was... special.”

Max couldn’t help but laugh at her. They broke the hug and Max lit a ciggy.

“Now I need to figure out what the hell I’m going to say,” Max huffed out in a big cloud of smoke.

“I tell you what,” said Nat, “I’ll help you. You tell it how you want, and I’ll write it down. We’ll work on it like a proper speech.”

“Okay, you sit at the desk, there's a pen and paper there,” she pointed at the top drawer, “and I’ll pace about and try to get it out.”

Getting it to sound right took a lot of time. The girls worked at it all night. When they heard Max’s parents go to bed, Nat inferred it was time for her to leave. Max’s deposition was as good as it was going to get. No more re-writing was going to make it any better. Max walked to the front door with Nat.

“Thanks Nat,” Max whispered, “I’m really glad you came tonight.”

“You don’t have to thank me, there's nowhere I’d rather have been.”

Max reached out gently, and very lightly took hold of Nat’s fingers. Without the constant flirting, which Max had to admit was fun, she’d been able to be herself tonight. The fact she was so relaxed made her feel very attracted to Nat right now. They looked at each other in the dark hall, for a moment, then Nat opened the door.

“I’ll ring you tomorrow Max,” she said stepping out.

“Night.”

Max closed the door, keeping her hand on the catch. Her chest was tightening again with the anxiety.

“Fuck it,” she said quietly, opening the door, walking out.

She saw Nat half way down the drive and ran to catch her. Taking hold of her hand from behind, Nat turned round to look at her. Max kissed her again. Longer and with more pressure this time. She opened her mouth just a tiny bit, then moved away slowly.

She grinned at Nat, then skipped back up the drive and through the open door. Looking out, still with the same big grin, Max saw Nat still looking at her. She closed the door slowly, then ran up the stairs, almost slammed her door, and threw herself face down on the bed.

* * *

 

Max was reading about what a deposition was like to give on the internet, when her phone buzzed.

**FROM: Nat**

**[r u awake]**  
**0023**

  
**[yessers]**  
**0023**

  
**[yessers Max?]**  
**0024**

  
**[hellers yessers]**  
**0024**

  
**[i ws gng 2 say gdnight]**  
**[bt u seem wide awake]**  
**[u ok]**  
**0025**

  
**[yup]**  
**[reading up on net]**  
**0026**

  
**[well I'm tired]**  
**[college tomorrow]**  
**[so]**  
**[Night Max]**  
**0026**

 **[Night Nat]**  
**[Sleep well]**  
**0027**

  
**[x]**  
**0030**

* * *

 

 

2 days later Max was on her way to Portland with her dad, for her deposition. Her anxiety was through the roof, but her dad was understanding, and stopped a few times so Max could get out and stretch her legs with a ciggy.

“I smoked before you were born,” he told Max, “I gave it up because your mom was convinced I’d influence you into starting. And now here we are, at some truck stop, and your making me want a cig!”

Max laughed and shook the packet in his direction, he shook his head. “Your mom would find out, and she’d kill me.”

It was early, before dawn, and Max slept in fits most of the way there. She had dressed respectfully for the occasion, black shoes, black jeans and a blue long sleeved sweater. Her hair still looked good from the cut, so it was easy to fix last minute in the little vanity mirror behind the sun visor in her dads truck.

The lawyers offices were in a big glass building, and Max was impressed with the views of Portland. Soon all parties were present and introduced.

“Would you confirm your name  and todays date for the recorder please.”

“My name is Maxine Caulfield, and today’s date is Wednesday September Seventeenth, Twenty Fourteen.”

“Thank you, let’s begin.”

The prosecution lawyer was sympathetic to Max, but she made sure that it was her who asked about Max’s time in the hospital. Lots of questions about her break, recovery and subsequent heightened anxiety issues were asked. The questions were angled skilfully to show Max in a very good light, and now suffering because of the trauma. As a gifted student with an exemplary academic record.

The defence had a totally different agenda in mind. They all but accused Max of making up everything she said out of some kind of vengeance for her own kidnapping, and that Chloe was her friend. They had photos of her showing her tattoo, at a coffee shop from the day before with Nat. It was confrontational, and Max took several breaks to calm down.

She felt totally drained, her anxiety was kicking her ass.

In the end though, she stood her corner, and told her story. Her dad was so proud of her.

The prosecution lawyer came over to them afterwards, “That went really well. You came off exactly as you are Max. I couldn’t have hoped for better. Thanks both of you for coming today. I’ll be in touch.”

Max turned to her dad, “Let's get out of here.”

* * *

 

 

It was still only early, so Ryan asked if Max wanted t do anything in Portland. They drove downtown, and parked up. Walking around Downtown and Buckman was hipster central, but Max loved it. Ryan offered to buy Max something, “Cos I’m so proud of you.”

They walked around looking in camera shops and places with cool clothes, but Max wasn’t seeing anything she wanted. As they walked back to the truck, Max spotted a tattoo parlour. She pulled her dads arm and gestured at the place with her head.

“Not a chance in hell I’m getting you a tattoo,” he laughed.

“I don’t want a tattoo I want that,” Max said pointing at a large photo of a lip piercing. Two rings were through the corner of the bottom lip, but they were crossed over, in an X shape.

“That's it dad. Well, what do you think?”

“Your mother will kill me!”

“Oh c’mon dad,” Max said pulling him along, If it’s that bad I can always take them out.”

Max walked in, shook of her jacket, and took of the jumper. Her ink drew admiring glances. The receptionist came over straight away, she was tall and skinny, with pink hair, and a big sun tattoo on her chest.

“Do you mind,” she said, asking Max to lift her arm to better look. “My names Tina.”

“Go ahead,” Max lifted her arm and the girl got really close, tracing the pattern with her fingers.

“Very nice, cool design too.”

“Thanks, my design, P’s gun.”

“Your hair’s rockin’ too,” Max blushed thinking of Nats fingers in her hair. “So what can I do you for?”

Max pointed at the photo, “That please.”

“Cute! Come through...” she looked at Max with an inquisitive expression.

Max looked at her like... what? Then twigged on, “Ohhhh,” she said laughing, “Max.”

“Come through Max,” said Tina, “Dad,” she said winking at Ryan, “have a seat over there.”

Max picked two rings, one with a pink ball, the other a blue ball.

She sat in the chair, and Tina put on the gloves. Everything swabbed down and sterilized Tina said, “Shit, I didn’t ask, left or right?”

“Left please,” said Max.

“That’ll look boss with your hair brushed to the right like that.”

Five uncomfortable minutes and it was over. Max noticed that the pain wasn’t as alluring as last time. It bled a bit, but Tina gave the outside a wipe, and slipped Max a shot of vodka to swill, that hurt like fuck.

“What brings you two to Portland then?” asked Tina whilst Max calmed down.

Max sighed, “I had to give a deposition against my best friends killer.”

“Seriously?” Max nodded, “That's fuckin heavy man. Did it go well?”

“The lawyer thought so,” Max said trying not to move her lips.

“Let's go see dad then,” grinned Tina. They walked back out front, and Ryan had his head in his phone again.

“Housing prices and the borrowing index linked to irresponsible lending Dad?” she asked to get his attention. He looked up and grinned.

“Well I like it Max. Let’s just hope your mom does!”

“Oooh the dreaded mom!” laughed Tina.

Max smiled then regretted it because of the pain in her lips, “Ooof”.

Ryan settled up as Max went out for a smoke. He joined her quickly and they walked back to the truck. He fell in on her left side so that he could look at her new body-mod, “It does look really good,” he said staring, “like a kiss that’s always on your lips,”.

“That's exactly what I thought too,” said Max.

* * *

 

 

**TO: Nat**

**[I am deposed]**  
**1145**

 **[Wot tme u bk]**  
**1145**

 

“What time will we be home dad?” Max asked.

Ryan looked across at Max texting and smiled, “About quarter to four,”.

 

 **[1545]**  
**1147**

 

 **[Wnt me 2 cm frm class]**  
**1147**

 

 **[Yeah need to talk]**  
**[Im gd dnt wry]**  
**[jst nice 2 talk 2 u]**  
**1148**

 

 **[okay]**  
**[c ya then]**  
**[x]**  
**1150**

 

Max yawned massively. She was exhausted from the deposition and her adrenalin rush from the piercing was wearing off. She hadn’t had much sleep last night either. Her anxiety had her up late. She got comfy and went to sleep.

* * *

 

 “Wake up Max, we’re home.”

“What,” Max said groggily, opening her eyes.

“C’mon Max,” Ryan laughed, “Get ready, ‘cos your mums home early to see you.”

Max touched her lip, “Ooof.”

“You can say that again kiddo. Time to face the music.”

Vanessa wasn’t happy to begin with, but Ryan spun her an intricate lie, and as Ryan lied, explaining how it was going to be a tattoo, but he talked her down to a piercing, Max couldn’t help but smile. Between trying to not to smile to give her dad away, and because of the pain, Max cheeks were in agony when she finally did crack. Vanessa looked at Max, and Ryan.

“You two always get up to stuff behind my back,” they looked at each other innocently, both trying, and failing not to smile even more.

“I don’t know why I bother,” Vanessa said, feigning insult. Max hugged her and Vanessa strained her eyes to try to look at the piercing up close, “Nice colours.”

Max heard a knock on the door, but Ryan was already on the way to answer.

“Play along mum,” Max said covering her face with her hands.

Nat walked in, said “Hi Vanessa,” then looked at Max worried.

“Max what's the matter? Take your hands off your face.”

Max moved her right hand down, revealing half her grinning face.

“All right what's going on then,” Nat asked.

Max dropped her left hand showing Nat the rings in her lip. Nat's jaw dropped.

“That's like, really, really cute Max,” she said moving closer for a look, “It’s like a kiss.”

“Yeah, everyone says that,” laughed Max

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after chapter 6, which was an absolute bitch to get out, chapter 7 was a breeze.
> 
> It's mostly fluff really, but I think I did the subject justice.
> 
> Also, Ryan for dad of the year award.
> 
> Thanks for reading, N
> 
> * * *
> 
> 4 years ago today, Kate Marsh attempted suicide. Let's all keep a close eye on each other.
> 
> #support #stopbullying


	8. An apology/explanation

It's all in the notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to let anyone who's still interested in this know that it has not been abandoned. As, I'd imagine most of us, I have played Before The Storm, and fell in love with it. I am waiting for "Farewell" to drop before I add any more chapters, because I want to be true to it, as I'm trying to stay true to LiS S1.
> 
> So please bare with the delay for now.
> 
> Thanks,  
> N.
> 
> I hope everyone had a good holiday season.


	9. Happy what-now?

Max watched as Nat spoke to her parents for long enough to drink a coffee that her dad made for her. She looked really nice again. The same Uggs, leggings and as yesterday, but an SU sweater instead of the turtleneck. She had her hair up in a high pony today, and big loop earing's. Max liked it when she had her hair up, that with the earrings really drew Max’s eyes to her neck.

  
It was nice to see her parents getting on with Nat. Max felt really guilty that she couldn’t do the same with Nat’s. She butted her way into the conversation they were having, which was about Nat’s college, “I’m stepping outside for a cig,” Vanessa looked at her disappointedly, “Keep me company Nat?”

Nat grinned at her, “Sure.”

  
They walked out into the backyard. Ryan kept it nice. The weather was okay today, for September anyway, it hadn’t rained and the lawn chairs on the decking were dry, so they sat. Max took a long drag, and spoke through the exhaled smoke.

“I’m sorry, Nat.”

“What for?”.

“You are so cool with my parents and I wish I could return it.”

“It’s okay,” said Nat, reaching over to squeeze her hand, “They’ve asked me who I’m hanging with, and I told them that I’ve met someone, but we’re taking it slow, so we can find our way.”

Max gulped, “Oh fuck. What did they say?”

“Not much really, I didn’t give them much more than that to go on,” she looked at Max, “They’re curious obviously, but it's none of their business really.”

Max looked at her, “This may sound odd, but can you tell me about them?”

Nat laughed, “They’re not very interesting really. My mom looks after people, she’s a home nurse, changing bandages and stuff. Dad’s a plumber.”

Max’s mind wandered to Chloe in the other timeline, crippled from the neck down.

“Look, I’m not up for meeting them right now, but you don’t have to keep me a secret... er... That's if you want to tell them...” Max blushed and felt amazingly self conscious. She drew deep on her ciggy, using the smoke she blew out as a brief screen. Her anxiety was pulling at the back of her mind.

“I’ll think about it when the topic comes up again,” Nat smiled.

Max finished her ciggy, “Let's go to my room.”

They walked back though the house, Ryan and Vanessa were talking about her deposition today. As Max passed her mum jumped up, and intercepted her, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“I’m very proud of you Maxine,” She said.

“Mom! Max! Never Maxine!” said Max, she hears Ryan laughing from his chores in the kitchen.

Once her mom had released her, Max padded up the stairs to her room, Nat right behind her. She briefly worried if Nat was checking her ass out. Shutting the door behind them, Max went to Nat, the girls hugged. Max had her face on Nat's shoulder, she could feel the skin on Nat’s neck against her cheek. Hugging was good Max decided. After a minute or so of just standing there, Nat moved her hand under Max’s chin, tipping her head up so she could look into her eyes.

“You look beautiful today Max,” she said, “Your new piercing is really nice.” Max saw Nat’s eyes flash down to look at it, before returning to her eyes.

“You too,” Max said. The urge to kiss Nat was overwhelming, their faces so close to each others. Max could feel Nat’s breath on her face. She looked at her lips, then back to her eyes. Then her lips again.

“It’s okay Max, you don’t have to do anything. No pressure.”

Max wanted to do something though. She didn’t want to let the moment pass. Very slowly she moved her right hand up from Nat's side. She touched Nat’s neck. Max thought her heart was going to explode. With her fingers still on Nat's neck, she very gently touched her jaw with her thumb. Max looked at Nat’s lips. They were pink with her gloss, but not garish, they looked very soft and slightly puffy.

Nat knew she was looking and smiled, teasing her gently with the tip of her tongue just visible between her teeth. Max smiled back, “Wow.”

Max moved the pad of her thumb backwards and forwards on Nat’s jaw, and Nat tipped her head slightly into it, closing her eyes as she did. Max moved in very slowly, until their lips met. Closed mouth she kissed her briefly. It felt so right. Still close she moved in again, kissing Nat a little harder, but still softly, and this time she felt Nat grin as she did.

Max moved her head away, and lowered her hand. They moved away from each other naturally. Max sat on the edge of her bed, and subconsciously touched her lips. She looked over at Nat, who was sat on her swivel chair looking at her.

“Well Max, if that’s how you kiss,” she said, touching her own lips too, “closed mouth, I... err...” both girls looked at each other, and, realising they were both touching their own lips, dropped their hands down, and dissolved into laughter.

* * *

  
They spoke of Nat’s day in college. Sophomore year Marine and Conservation Biology was interesting to Max, so she genuinely enjoyed listening to Nat talk about the possibilities after she graduates. She liked whales, no, Nat loved whales, and wanted to work in that field.

“When I was fourteen my dad took me on a trip out in a boat to see blue whales. I was totally in awe at the size of them Max. At how graceful they were. It took about a week for me to decide I wanted to do that for the rest of my life.”

Max was content to sit and listen to her friend talk about her dreams. It was nice to hear of her plans. Max had always had a plan, but it was now in tatters. With all that had gone down at Blackwell, how she had left, she didn’t even graduate high school. It hadn’t really bothered her until now.

“What about you Max,” asked Nat, “What do you want to do?”

“It used to be all about my photography. But  I kind of fell out of love with it after Blackwell.”

“Your so good at it though Max. The photo from the art museum, and the one of me, are amazing.”

Max blushed, “Thanks.”

“Have you got anymore, that I could see? It’s cool if you don’t want to.”

“I want to Nat,” said Max getting up to retrieve her portfolio. They leafed through it together, Max taking the time to explain each one, what she was hoping to convey. A couple of times as she spoke she noticed Nat wiping her eyes. It took nearly two hours to go through.

“Oh my god Max,” said Nat, “They are amazing. I wasn’t expecting to get so emotional, but knowing you, and having you explain each shot, it hit me. I mean, you can remember how you felt when you took each one, and looking at them, listening to you, I felt it too.” Nat walked over to Max’s desk, and fetched her most recent two shots. She put the photo of the exhibit on top of the closed portfolio.

“What about this one?”

“That one was like a bolt of lightning. It was right there in front of me. All the awe in the boy at something we all take for granted. How a different perspective can turn the mundane into the extra-ordinary,” Max explained.

“And, er... this one?” asked Nat, putting the photo of her on top of the boy.

Max blushed and bit her bottom lip. Nat saw her do it, and felt a flutter inside herself.

“That one,” said Max. “That one is about seeing what's in front of you,“ Max said still blushing, “It’s that moment when you realise...” she tried to articulate it, “It’s that moment when someone stands out. When they become greater and more important in a moment than everything else around you.”

It was Nat’s turn to blush now. They sat silently for a minute, before Max moved to her desk and rolled a joint. When she had finished, she turned to look at Nat. She was holding the photo in both hands, looking at it closely.

“Do you want it?” Max asked.

“What? No! I couldn’t.”

“Yes. You should. I want you to have it.” Max said to her.

Nat looked a the photo, then back to Max, “Thanks Max,” she said, “I love it.”

They climbed out onto the roof to smoke. They sat closer than they normally would and gently nudged each others shoulders a couple of times, grinning. The sun had set, and despite being dry, it was cold on the roof, so as soon as the joint was finished they went back inside. Max closed the window behind them.

Nat wanted to look at a couple of Max’s photos in the portfolio again, and Max was glad to talk through them again with her. Max was impressed that Nat gravitated towards a couple of shots in particular, shots that happened to be among her favourites.

They chatted for a while about things. Apparently Becky had found a nice skater boy. Keeping track of time was difficult with Nat about Max thought.

“I hate to say it, but it’s time for me to go home,” Nat said, stretching. “I’ve got college tomorrow don’t forget.”

“Boooooo,” Max said as they both stood up and headed for her bedroom door. Max felt her chest tighten with every step they took. By the time they got to the front door, she was fighting her panic. Nat looked at her and saw it.

“Hey, are you okay?” she said, concerned.

“I’m fine. Just my anxiety tweaking.”

Nat turned towards her, reached out and took both of Max’s hands in hers, “Max there is no need to be anxious with me. All of this is at your pace. I’m having a good time with you, and I’m happy for you to be yourself.”

Max held both of Nat’s hands, as they stood face to face. She felt so nervous at the situation, but the anxiety was fading thanks to Nat's words.

They kissed again, still holding hands. Max opened her mouth slightly and kissed Nat’s bottom lip with more passion, pulling it slightly with her own lips. Nat responded by leaning her whole body closer to Max’s, a gentle pressure against her. As max opened her mouth again, Nat mirrored her. Max cautiously moved her tongue forward, between her own lips, and felt the tip of Nat's tongue waiting for her. After a few gentle flicks, she felt Nat smile, as she moved away.

She let go of Max’s hands and headed for the door. Max opened the door, and as Nat stepped out, she stopped and turned to face her.

“See you tomorrow?” she said.

“Definitely,” Max said breathlessly, still glowing from the kiss.

* * *

 

 

Max lay in bed, her mind torn between her love for Chloe, and her attraction towards Nat. It wasn’t like she was rebounding with Nat. Her memories of Chloe were all a fantasy, made up subconsciously to guard her. Anyway, even if her memories were true, it’s been almost a year since Chloe died,  a year in which she had grieved for her. Was that long enough though, to honour Chloe’s memory?

Max tried to focus on what she knew was true. She had not been in a relationship with Chloe. She had not spoken to Chloe for five years. She felt guilty for leaving her then, and she felt guilty for having found someone who isn’t her now. She felt undeserving of having someone in her life, when Chloe didn’t.

She tried to not think of it, but her anxiety and guilt issues had the best of her. Max accepted she wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon. She shifted around in her bed, reaching for the ash tray. Half a joint was propped in it. She lit it, inhaling deeply.

The only thing Max could be certain of, is that when she is with Nat, she is happy. Chloe is dead, gone. She would want Max to be happy. Max reached for her phone, and fired off a message to Nat.

**TO: Nat**  
**[Wnt 2 ask u smthing]**  
**2335**

**[go on then]**  
**[x]**  
**2335**

**[Im going to Arcadia in 3 weeks]**  
**[2 visit chloe]**  
**[a year on]**  
**[and]**  
**[do you Wnt 2 come with me]**  
**2338**

**[do u want me 2?]**  
**2338**

  
**[yes]**  
**[i do]**  
**2339**

**[then of course i will]**  
**[x]**  
**2340**

**[it won't just be us]**  
**[my dads drivin]**  
**[and moms coming]**  
**2342**

**[ok]**  
**[x]**  
**2343**

  
**[night nat]**  
**2344**

**[night max]**  
**[x]**  
**2345**

* * *

 

 

The rest of the week went by as a blur for Max, she followed her routine, took her medication. The fact that Chloe was constantly in her head was worrying her. She had always thought that she would “get better”, but Chloe wouldn’t let her.

When Nat had come round on Wednesday Max was glad when the other girl told her she was snowed under with work. Max suggested to her that with the weekend so close, maybe she should do her work for a couple of nights so that they could have the weekend together. They could still text and call each other.

Nat seemed a bit disappointed, but Max said she needed to concentrate on her work, she needed to do well in college. Max didn’t tell her she needed a couple of days to be on her own.

Max shut herself away in her room. She came down for meals, and to speak with her parents about the upcoming trip. It was Friday night dinner, before she told them that she had invited Nat to Arcadia Bay with them. She dropped it into the conversation as calmly as she could between mouthfuls of her mom’s delicious meat loaf.

Her parents were fine with it. Max could see her dad was actually relieved. When her mom went to the toilet, her dad spoke more candidly.

“I’m glad Nat’s coming Max. I was going to suggest it myself. Me and your mom will be seeing Joyce and David after we visit the grave, and I’m glad you’ll have someone with you.”

“Yeah,” said Max, “I think I’m going to need her. I’m really starting to worry about it.”

“Max you have two weeks yet, don’t get too worked up about it. Also if you want to cancel that’s fine too.”

“No dad,” Max  said, “I need it, I need to see it... her...” her eyes started to fill up, Ryan went to her, cupped her head in his hands and kissed her on the top of the head.

“So long as you’re sure,” he said.

He started to clean up the dishes leaving Max at the table. Her head was fighting her again. Max bided her time, and when the coast was clear she jumped up, walking past the liquor cabinet in the hall. Grabbing a bottle of red wine, she shoved it up her jumper, and went up to her bedroom. She had developed quite a taste for red wine.

She drank to forget, she drank to silence her own thoughts. She drank witht the intention to get completely wasted and pass out. Which is exactly what happened.

* * *

 

 

Max woke at nearly midday on Saturday. She had a lot of texts from Nat on her phone when she finally had the ability to focus on it, and read the words. Max fired a quick text.

**TO: Nat**  
**[awake now]**  
**[come round]**  
**1203**

  
Max had a shower and got dressed. She made an effort, styled her hair, and even put on a hint of eye makeup and lip gloss. She felt like shit, but looked good. Making her way downstairs, and into the kitchen, Max fixed a coffee from the pot. Black, no sugar.

Her mom was sat at the table, waiting for her.

“We need to talk about something Max,” she said. She pushed out the chair opposite with her foot, “Sit,” Max sat down heavily.

“You need to stop drinking in your room,” Vanessa said, “It’s no good for you, I thought you would have learned that by now.”

Max looked at her. She wasn’t ready for this. Instead of feeling anxious, she felt angry.

“Mom I will do what I want. I needed a drink. I needed the...” searching for the right words, “I needed the time off from myself. “

“You know you can talk to me, don’t you? I helped your dad through his drinking, and I can help you too.”

“You’ve mentioned dad and drink before, but I don’t remember any of it.”

Vanessa looked at her and spoke again, “Before we left Arcadia Bay to move here, your dad was in a bad way. Do you remember what he did when you were very little?”

“I know he wasn’t home much,” Max said, “That's why we were always at Chloe’s house. You and Joyce. Me and Chloe.”

“He has always been an engineer, but after 9/11 his work changed. In 2004 he went to Iraq. Building bridges. He wasn’t armed, but was embedded into an army engineer unit.”

“I didn’t know that...” Max said trailing off.

“Your dad didn’t want you too.”

“Anyway, we bombed ninety percent of the bridges over there to stop the Iraqi army from being mobile. When we went to rebuild them the insurgents weren't happy because it meant we could move around, and they didn’t want that.”

“I’m not going into details on everything he told me,” she said, “but your dad saw more than anyone needs to. He came very close to the conflict. Every day on the way from the camp to his projects they would stop to clear IEDs.”

“During his third 6 month stay over there the vehicle in front of the one he was in hit one. Your dad told me it flipped twice before landing on its roof. It was one of the most powerful IEDs the engineers had encountered. There was five people in the number that flipped. Two soldiers  barely older than you are now, and a French engineer your dad was friends with died.”

“He tried to help them, but the side they were on was torn open,” Vanessa was going white as she spoke, “He came home changed. He drank, and fought. The only people who understood were the Prices.”

“I remember when dad started to go with us more.”

Vanessa nodded, “William helped him so much. It was William who suggested a move.  If we hadn’t left, if we hadn’t given your dad something new to focus on, I think we would have lost him, to prison maybe, but it could have been much worse. Do you remember his green truck?”

Max nodded, she was shaking with all this.

“He was driving home blind drunk from a bar out on county route 6, completely missed a bend and went off into the forest. The truck was written off.”

“Oh my god,” said Max, “Is that when he broke his ankle?”

“Yes Max. Now do you see why I worry about you drinking?”

“Yes mom.”

“Your dad doesn’t want you to know this. So don’t tell him I told you. Just understand, please.”

* * *

 

 

When Nat tapped on the door, Max was waiting with her coat on to go out. They got straight into Nat's little car and went out for the day. They headed into Seattle and checked out a couple of cool new shops.

Max was digging through CDs in a second hand shop when she lost track of Nat.  She started panicking. She paced up and down the aisles, craning her neck to look for her. After what seemed like an hour, she saw Nat, back where they had started.

Max ran to her, and wrapped her arms around her.

“Wow Max. Getting your PDA on today!” laughed Nat.

Still hugging her, Max said, “I thought I’d lost you, where did you go?”

“The other side of the racks Max, it was only like two minutes. If you’d looked over the top you’d have seen me.”

Max huffed and released her from the hug, “Felt longer to me.”

“Sorry Max,” Nat said, looking at her with a touch of concern.

They went to a chill coffee shop, and Max told Nat about what her mom said about her dad.

“That's terrible Max,” said Nat. “I think I like your dad more now, because I mean he’s so cool, and pretty funny in a cheesy way too.”

“Yeah, I love my dad so much,” Max said.

They left the coffee shop as the sun was setting. The light was beautiful and Max took some shots with her polaroid. The two girls watched them develop together, Nat was amazed at Max’s eye.

As they walked about, enjoying the scenery, and each others company, Max slipped her hand into Nat's. Lacing her fingers. It was a nice end to the day, and as they got back to the car Max felt much more herself.

“Thanks for today Nat,” she said looking at her across the car, “I’ve been... struggling... a bit this week.”

Nat turned and put her hand on Max’s shoulder, “I know that Max, I’m not blind. If you want space, take it,” she turned back to the wheel, started the car.

Nat stayed for dinner. Ryan had made a big spicy tuna pasta thing, it was good. After they ate, the girls told Max’s parents about what they had done during the day. They had a coffee, and worked out logistics of the upcoming trip to Arcadia Bay. It was agreed that the easiest thing was for Nat to stay the night before. So they could just fall into Ryan’s truck at stupid o’clock in the morning and set off.

Ryan wanted to be there for about 10am. That way could have most of the day then, as well as the evening. That meant leaving about four.

Max was yawning and her eyes were running with tiredness by ten pm. Going out for the day had always tired her out. Max walked Nat to the door. They stood inside the door saying goodbye when Max yawned again. Nat laughed at her and kissed her forehead.

She laughed again as she walked down the path, “Night sleepy head.”

Max was contented and happy when she crawled under her covers. Nat really was a tonic for her. She was asleep in minutes, without needing a joint.

Max was woken by a knock on her door. She tried to ignore it, but then she heard her dad’s voice.

“Max, kiddo. Time to get up. It’s your birthday!”

“What,” max mumbled confused. How could she have forgotten her own birthday.

“Get yourself together and come down to the kitchen. Coffees made and your moms knocking up some pancakes now. Okay?”

“Okay dad,” said Max, her head still reeling from the surprise. She stayed in her bed clothes, sweat pants and a loose, old T, and headed to the bathroom. After freshening up she padded downstairs into the kitchen. Ryan, Vanessa and Nat were all sat at the table, grinning at her. Max’s face flashed to scarlet. Which raised laughs around the table.

“Uh, hi Nat. What are you doing here?” said Max shocked.

“Your dad told me when he let me in yesterday. I can’t believe you forget your own birthday!”

Max laughed self consciously, “huh huh huh yeah...”

“Come on sit down Max, it’s time for presents!” Vanessa said laughing.

Max sat down and looked at the three faces looking at her. Ryan spoke first.

“We didn’t really know what to get you love, so I queued up the other day for 12 hours with your Mum to get you this,”. He put a small gift wrapped package in front of her. Max eyed it, then looked at her parents, before picking it up and tearing the paper off. A brand new iPhone 6.

“I hope its okay Max,” asked Vanessa.

“Oh god yes Mum! My old phone is scratched to hell! Thanks!” Max jumped up and gave her parents a hug each in turn, before sitting next to Nat again.

“Pass me your old cell and I’ll switch the sim and get it all set up for you,” Ryan said reaching out across the table. Max passed it over.

“Don't read anything on it Dad,” she said, rolling her eyes. Vanessa got up to fix them all pancakes and coffees, whilst Ryan fiddled with the cell phones.

“Happy Birthday Max,” Nat said, slipping a card onto the table in front of her. Max picked it up and carefully slipped her finger under the flap of the envelope. The card had a cartoony unicorn on it, it’s mane and tail were rainbow coloured. Max loved it. Inside had a simple message.

 

_Max,_

_I hope your birthday is happy and full of love._

_Nat x_

 

It touched Max more than she expected. She couldn't remember the last time she had received a birthday card from someone who wasn’t a direct relation. She could see a small pile of unopened cards on the table, but knew they’d be from her Mum and Dad, and both sets of grandparents. Trying not to cry she looked up at Nat. “Thanks Nat, I love it,” she said with a shaky voice.

Nat reached out and gave her hand a little squeeze, “Oh god Max, if the card got you like this, I don’t think I should give you my present.”

“No you definitely should,” Max laughed through filling eyes.

“Well, when we were out yesterday, and I disappeared for a couple of minutes,” Max narrowed her eyes playfully as if to say yes, “Well I spotted this, and it reminded me of something you told me.”

Nat passed Max a small brown paper bag. The paper was thin, soft and scrunchy. Max could feel something small and hard inside it. Holding it in her right hand, Max tipped the contents out into her left. A small silver, but tarnished, skull and crossbones on a string necklace. Her eyes immediately over filled, tears of happiness and sadness, of memories good and bad, streamed down her face. She tried to blink them away, but failed miserably. She made a noise somewhere between laugh and sob, which drew her parents attention.

“I fucking love it Nat,” Max said slipping the string over her neck.

“There's this too,” Nat passed her another bag, this one white and plastic. In it was a red bandana, with white skull and crossbones on, “It’s getting colder now Max,” said Nat, “So that's more practical.”

Ryan finished setting up the iPhone, and passed it to Max. “Shit,” he said laughing, “I told your Mum we shoulda got you an eye patch but she was having none of it!”

Vanessa chose this moment to start transferring all the goodies she’d fixed onto the table, which gave Max a chance to calm down. Whilst eating she opened her other cards. The top one was from her parents, a bicycle propped against a sea wall, a nice image. The next 2 were indeed from grandparents, and were typical “Happy Birthday” cards.

Max wasn’t expecting to see 2 more cards. The first was from Warren, it was a nerdy science pun card, it made her smile. The second card she didn’t open. The handwriting on the card she recognised immediately as Joyce’s. She had seen it enough on the specials board of the Two Whales to never mistake it. There was no way she was ready for that. She stacked the cards beside her plate, and drank some coffee. Ryan and Vanessa looked at each other as they saw her do this, but decided to say nothing. They weren't surprised when a couple of minutes later Max made an excuse to leave the table, and headed up to her room.

* * *

 

  
Max sat on the roof with Nat, dragging hard on a joint.

“There's no way I can look at it Nat. Why now? After 5 years with no contact, and everything that’s happened this last year they decide now is the time to send me a birthday card?,” Max hung her head between her pulled up knees, “It’ll have a message like, ‘We love you like a daughter’ or something and it’ll kill me.”

“They mean well Max.” Nat paused considering her words. “From what you’ve told me about Joyce, and David for that matter, I’m sure it’s nothing that will trigger you. They’ll have been super careful with the wording. They know what your going through.”

“But I don’t deserve it,” a pause, “I abandoned Chloe,” another pause, another hit on the joint, “I couldn’t save her.” Nat said nothing for quite some time.

“I can’t say anything about that I haven't already. Nobody thinks you were responsible Max. Maybe they thought sending a card would be good. Normal,”.

“That's just it, it’s so normal that I didn’t send my best friend a birthday card for five years Nat. Fuck.” Max looked at Nat, the concern the blonde girl had for her was written all over her face.

“Would you read it for me Nat? Before I do?”

Nat was shaking her head, “I can’t Max, it’s for you. From Chloe’s Mum. I’m sorry, but I can’t,” she was still shaking her head, “Can you understand that? It’s far too... personal... special, for me to do that.”

“Okay Nat. Could you do something else for me then instead?”.

“Sure,”.

“Don't take this the wrong way, but, could you take it with you, like right now. It’s fucking killing me knowing its there. I can almost physically feel it, burning,” Max looked into her friends amazing green eyes as she said it, “It’s nothing on you, but either I’m leaving, or it is.”

Nat reached out and took hold of Max’s hands. Saying nothing she squeezed them for the longest moment, green eyes burning into Max’s. She let go eventually, and climbed back through the bedroom window.

Max was still on the roof when she heard Nat’s little car putter to life and drive away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I said I wasn't going to post any more chapters Still after "Farewell" but after reading a couple of my favourite fics on here, I figured I'd read through the chapter 8 I wrote.
> 
> I wrote this just after the release of the BtS episode "Awake", and as far as I can tell it doesn't step on any cannon at all, at least not after I removed a drunken dream sequence, in which Max dreamt of the day she told Chloe she was leaving.
> 
> I've got the writing bug again bad now, and "Farewell" can't drop soon enough for me (even though it's going to abso-fucking-lutely kill me).
> 
> Thanks for reading,  
> N


End file.
